The musings of a feminist pop culture fanatic

Previously on Glee: Someone has been pretending to be a girl named Katie and flirting with Ryder online. He figured out that it’s someone in glee club. Sue took the fall after Becky brought a gun to school. Naturally, she was fired. Santana moved to New York and is trying to figure out her life.

There is no sort of disclaimer warning this week, although there should be. There will be frank talk of molestation, so please don’t proceed if that is a trigger for you.

Everyone walks into the choir room. Ryder is texting Katie and trying to figure out why she keeps standing her up. Will comes in to tell them that the Hoosierdaddies have a magical sophomore named Frida Romero (played by American Idol’s Jessica Sanchez) who has an amazing voice. He goes on to tell them that to better than her and her amazing voice, their setlist has to be completely huge. He wants it filled with epic songs that could fill up an arena. Just then, the lights go out in the building. Electricity clearly thinks Will is as stupid as the rest of us do. Figgins comes on the PA system, which is apparently still working, to let them know that this is neither an emergency nor an excuse to party. He also tells them to continue with classes and they will distribute flashlights and candles by grade point average. Will changes his mind and decides they’re going to do acoustic songs instead.

Ryder and Jake are walking through the hallways, discussing Katie. Jake tells Ryder he might be a little too attached to Katie. Ryder tells Jake he’s told Katie things he’s never told anyone else. Jake wants to know what Ryder has been keeping secret from him, but Ryder isn’t ready to tell Jake just yet.

Santana comes in to the loft with a chair she found outside. She wants to fix it up and make it look pretty, but Rachel and Kurt just want to tell Santana she’s throwing away her life. They’re upset she’s working at Coyote Ugly and another place as a cage dancer. They ask her what her dreams are, and she doesn’t really have an answer for them just yet. In the meantime, they tell her she needs to be doing something else with her life. I kind of want to punch Rachel and Kurt in this scene. Not everyone can have their lives totally figured out. I’m totally in the same place as Santana right now, and I would punch any of my friends if they did this to me. She makes the valid point that she has to work somewhere, but that answer isn’t good enough for them. She gets up and walks away.

Back in the choir room, Sam performs an acoustic version of The Righteous Brothers’ “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling.” He introduces it by telling a story about blocking out noise during his time as a stripper and also divulging that he was conceived to this song. Eventually, everyone joins in singing with him. Throughout the song, Artie is texting for a really distracting period of time. I actually thought they were going to reveal that Artie has been pretending to be Katie. Sadly, no. It’s just a set-up for Sam to yell at Artie for being too connected to technology and talk about what it was like when he was homeless. Sam is oddly douchey in this episode, which will be highlighted in just a couple of scenes.

Kurt is apparently still working at Vogue.com. Sarah Jessica Parker calls in Kurt to talk to him about being a celebrity wrangler for an upcoming New York Ballet event. She’s also on a phone call with Darren Aronofsky and makes a comment about him needing to be nice to Christopher Nolan at their table. A bunch of fans read into the scene that Ryan Murphy was making fun of people who think Darren Criss and Chris Colfer are feuding or something. Their argument didn’t make sense and if that was a reference to Darren & Chris, it was as clumsily written as this episode was. Anyway, Kurt is excited and SJP asks if he wants a couple friends to help him as well. We also get a brief update on Burt’s health, since it’s been a while since anyone mentioned that the World’s Greatest Father has freaking cancer. I will never forgive Ryan Murphy for that twist. I still tear up thinking about the possibility of Kurt losing Burt.

Sue is now working as an aerobics instructor. We see her teaching a class, which Blaine happens to be attending. His hair is curly and he’s wearing ridiculously short shorts. It might be the most glorious scene since last season’s “Fighter” montage when Darren was in the shower. There’s so much gyrating and flexibility. Blaine is concerned about what is happening to the school since Sue left. Roz is apparently encouraging the Cheerios to get a couple ribs removed to make them more flexible. Blaine tells Sue they need her back at McKinley.

Speaking of McKinley, we’re either on Day 2 of the blackout or Blaine just ditched school to go to an aerobics class. Sam and Artie are talking in the hallway and wearing the same clothes as before, so Blaine apparently skipped school. The timeline makes absolutely no sense this week. Anyway, Artie was inspired by Stomp and wants to do a glee club number based on it.

Kurt comes home and tells the girls about how they all get to go to the big ballet gala. Rachel and Kurt are flipping their shit, while Santana doesn’t really care. Rachel and Kurt talk about how ballet made them love performing. All that matters is we get really adorable flashbacks of Baby Kurt & Rachel. Santana only agrees to help when Kurt promises her a free designer gown.

We’re back in the choir room again. I officially give up on the timeline. Ryder tells the glee club that Mr. Schue agreed to let him do a full orchestration for his song because he wants to “unplug” his feelings. He tells them he has a deep secret he needs to reveal to them. He goes on to do a totally awesome version of R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts.” During the song, we get flashbacks of various people slushying the glee club. After the song ends, Ryder reveals that a baby-sitter molested him when he was younger. He explains that he was taking a shower when she reached in and started touching him. Sam turns into an uber-douche when he tells Ryder that he doesn’t know why he would complain about that. It was a teenage girl touching him, so he should have loved every minute of it. Some people kind of halfheartedly stand up for Ryder and explain that it’s his truth to feel about however he needs. Artie doesn’t understand why Ryder would be ashamed of that. They eventually gang up on him so much that Ryder changes what he says and tells them that he guesses he does feel lucky about it. Honestly, I was so disgusted by the way they handled this scene that I almost wanted to stop watching this episode. I actually facepalmed at the reactions from everyone. Will reminds them that it’s a crime and he needs to report that. Ryder explains she’s already been locked up for molesting other kids. Sam goes on to explain that it’s every teenage boy’s fantasy and Artie just says that Ryder clearly has superior game. They high five him on his way back to his seat. At this point, I want to punch Sam and Artie after I give Ryder a huge hug and refer him to someone for counseling.

The next scene helps redeem the molestation storyline somewhat. Kitty and Ryder are at Breadstix together. Kitty explains that she and Puck broke up when he left to go crash in Finn’s dorm room. Anyway, she goes on to explain that she fully understands what Ryder is going through. When Kitty was in sixth grade, her friend’s older brother molested her. She goes into detail about how people shunned her once she came forward about things. She lost her friend and everyone kept telling her what a good kid her molester was. Ryder thanks her and I feel slightly better about how things are left. I still hate that they approached this topic in such a clumsy way and that they will probably never bring it up again. If someone other than Ryan Murphy were writing this particular episode, I think it would have been handled a lot better.

We’re back in the auditorium where the power is still out and New Directions is performing a Stomp-ified version of Queen’s “We Will Rock You.” It’s not bad, but it’s nothing terribly original.

Sue is sitting in the bleachers when Becky comes up to her. She tells Sue how Roz treats Becky like crap. Becky pleads with Sue to come back, but Sue says things are actually going better now that she’s become a trainer. Sue says she can’t go back to baby-sitting brats and for absolutely no reason, she breaks into “Little Girls” from “Annie.” I’m positive the only reason they have Jane Lynch singing this is because she just started a Broadway run as Miss Hannigan in “Annie.” However, it brings the plot to a complete and utter standstill, so it fits right in with most things this episode.

Kurt, Rachel, and Santana are following around SJP at the NYC Ballet gala. Rachel asks if there’s any way they can watch the performance from the audience. SJP tells them they’ll be watching from the wings with her. She asks if Santana wants to see it as well, but Kurt jumps in and says Santana doesn’t even like ballet. Kurt and Rachel start to walk away, but Santana explains that she took a few ballet lessons and actually really liked it. She said she felt like she was a part of something beautiful. The four of them then break into “At the Ballet” from “A Chorus Line.” It’s a nice performance, but does absolutely nothing to advance the plot. We do get more flashbacks of baby Kurt, Rachel, and Santana in kiddie ballet class, though. The song literally lasts like five minutes. It’s beyond ridiculous. After the song ends, Santana explains that she loves to dance, but doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life. SJP is magical and tells Santana exactly what she needs to hear. And more importantly, she says it in front of Rachel and Kurt. SJP tells Santana that baby steps are okay and it’s fine if she doesn’t have her whole life figured out right now. More teenagers need to learn that message.

Roz and Becky go into Figgins’ office, where the lights are apparently still out. I think it’s like day 4 at this point. Roz is upset that Becky has been insulting her. Figgins tells Becky to be respectful. Becky says she just wanted Roz to bring her down to his office, but Figgins asks why she didn’t just come on her own. Becky tells him she didn’t think of that and we assume that she’s about to tell the truth. We cut away from the scene, where the lights are finally back on in the school. Figgins gives a stupid speech about bringing about a new dawn of peace and prosperity. Whatever.

The glee club is excited to plug back in, but Will tells them they need to embrace the power of their voices. He wants them to do an a cappella number. He has apparently forgotten that Blaine was the lead singer of an a cappella group and treats the entire glee club like they have no idea how to a song without accompaniment.

Ryder is back at the computer, talking to Katie. He tells her he told the glee club about the molestation, so he could try to figure out who she is. Katie questions why he’s so sure she’s in glee club and why he’s still talking to her. Katie asks to get back to him in a minute when Kitty comes up and asks him out. He turns down Kitty and she is quite angry about that. She tells Ryder she was really starting to warm up to him. Ryder says he needs to figure out what is going on with Katie first.

Santana signed up for dance classes at NYADA’s extension program. She comes in with her attitude and the instructor promptly puts her in her place. Santana explains she’s an artist and is trying to get back in touch with that side of herself. The class begins dancing as Santana promises her child ballerina self not to forget about her again. It’s actually a really touching scene, probably the best one in the episode.

We end with the glee club doing an a cappella version of Billy Joel’s “The Longest Time.”

Next episode: It’s Stevie Wonder week.

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