The musings of a feminist pop culture fanatic

Every now and then, when I think Glee is really start to grow in terms of plot development, Ryan Murphy proves me wrong and throws in a ridiculous theme episode that serves absolutely no purpose. This week’s theme, songs from movies!

Previously: Jake and Marley are together, but Ryder kissed Marley. Will and Emma are together and about to get married, but Finn kissed Emma. She then proceeded to have an epic meltdown and left Will at the altar. Tina had a really creepy crush on Blaine. Lots of people hooked up at Will and Emma’s non-wedding. Rachel thinks she’s pregnant. Santana moved into the Hummelberry + Brody loft. Brody has some sort of side business going on that requires him to frequent hotels and get paid in large amounts of cash.

Since this is dedicated to movie music, we get a lot of ridiculous stand-alone scenes that do nothing to further the plot. In fact, we get one to start off the episode! We start off with Will and Emma performing Fred Astaire’s “You’re All the World to Me” in a black and white scene that is basically a scene straight from the 1951 musical “Royal Wedding,” complete with climbing the walls. Since we know that Emma and Will are on the outs, this is clearly a dream sequence.

However, it provide Schue with inspiration for this week’s theme. That’s right, his ridiculous dream led to this episode being inflicted upon us. Kind of like how Stephenie Meyer’s dreams led to Twilight. You know, I have lots of stupid dreams. I might share them as a quick anecdote in conversation if they were particularly humorous, but I don’t go around forcing mass audiences to share my crazy ass subconscious. Let’s learn from that, shall we, Will?

Anyway, Will is trying to justify his theme to the glee club. He says some crap about movies being an escape and how everyone feels like they need to escape his or her life sometimes. Despite the fact that he has written the word “movies” up on the board, the club has a delayed reaction and waits for the appropriate time to cheer. Unique says something about loving “The Crying Game,” since she’s transgender or transsexual or a cross-dresser. We still don’t really know for sure. Kitty tells Marley she doesn’t get dibs on Les Mis, just because she looks like the girl on the poster. Sam does a stupid Nicolas Cage impression. However, Will crushes their dreams of originality a little bit by telling them it’s a stupid boys vs. girls mash-up contest. Apparently, the winner gets to be in Artie’s low-budget non-student film.

Finn and Will go to the hallway to have a heart-to-heart about the quest to find Emma. Finn is particularly freaking out, since he still thinks he’s responsible for the break-up of the wedding. He tells Will that he needs to do more than sit around and watch old movies while he waits for Emma to come back. That may be true, but she’s an adult woman who can decide for herself if she wants to talk to Will. Right now, she clearly does not. Finn keeps pushing the issue and then just starts yelling out names of movies. Even though Will told Finn to just leave things alone for now, Finn decides that Emma must be found immediately. So, he goes to get some information from Sue. She does not have information, but does have plenty of verbal abuse lined up for him. Finn enlists Artie’s help, who tells him he should just go talk to Emma’s parents.

Since it’s been five seconds since we last have a song to bring the plot to a standstill, Blaine and Brittany are here to prompt the entire glee club to sing The Isley Brothers’ song “Shout” from “Animal House.” It’s a huge number that gets them to travel throughout classrooms, hallways, the library, and the cafeteria. However, it’s also the 500th number the show has done. That’s right, in its fourth season, the show has hit 500 songs performed. As this is the 81st episode, that amounts to about 6 songs per episode. Let’s say each song is around 2 1/2 minutes, since they get shortened for the show. That means per episode, we spend about 15 minutes on songs. Since each episode is 44 minutes long, that means we only get 29 minutes of plot, since the songs are to the point where they rarely have anything to do with the scene. All I’m saying is, I know it’s Glee, but it would be the nice if the writers would make the songs actually tie into the plots instead of trying to get the plots tied into the music they want to use.

Anyway, it’s snowing in New York. Santana’s sad. She’s snowed in with Rachel, Kurt, and Adam (Kurt’s British maybe boyfriend who is just a placeholder for Blaine). Rachel and Santana are fighting. Rachel and Kurt remind Santana that she’s living there rent-free and needs to be a little less Santana-like, or she’s going to be homeless. They start fighting over what movie to watch. Santana suggests a bunch of movies about babies, since she found Rachel’s pregnancy test and wants to fuck with her head a little bit. Rachel turns down the suggestions. They end up watching Moulin Rouge. We get a gorgeous fantasy sequence of Kurt and Blaine performing “Come What May,” which was evidently the song Kurt wanted them to sing at their wedding. However, we also get flashbacks to special moments throughout Kurt and Blaine’s relationship, so I may have been crying a bit during this particular song. I know it did nothing beyond further establish that Kurt is still in love with Blaine, but I am still a fangirl at heart. Fantasy sequence ends and Kurt is crying on the couch. Santana points out that the song was really special to him and Blaine. Adam looks concerned that his maybe boyfriend is still hung up on someone else. Santana decides to stop the movie and call an impromptu roommate + Adam meeting. She has decided that Brody is a psycho and there is something super weird about him. She goes on to divulge that she has snooped through everyone’s drawers and such. While doing that, Santana found a pager and a bunch of cash. Thus, she draws the conclusion that Brody is a drug dealer.

Back at McKinley, Emma’s parents are back to further their ridiculous ginger supremacy plot. Finn and Artie even died their hair red to make Emma’s parents more accepting of them. They tell Emma’s parents the “Stop Ginger Bullying” Club is in trouble and only Emma can save them. It’s such a stupid scene that I’m not even going to recap any more of it. Basically, they find out where Emma is.

Back in New York, the snow continues. Rachel decides to call Brody and find out where he is. He says he’s stranded at a friend’s house because of the storm. Kurt whispers to Santana that he’s with her and totally thinks Brody is a drug dealer.

We’re back at McKinley for the boys mash-up. Look, it’s a stupid plot, but Darren Criss is on my screen in a flight suit and Chord Overstreet is dancing pantsless. They’re really freaking hot. So, Blaine, Artie, and Joe are taking Kenny Loggin’s “Danger Zone” from “Top Gun” and mashing it with Sam, Ryder, and Jake performing Bob Seger’s “Old Time Rock ‘N Roll” a la Tom Cruise in “Risky Business.” Finn asks how they possibly came up with such an inspiring number. They say it was their tribute to the early macho cinema of Tom Cruise.

We get a quick scene of the girls getting ready for their mash-up. Kitty comes over to Marley and apologizes for being a horrible human being. She says now that they’re both dating Puckermans, they need to be besties since they’ll be sisters-in-law one day. Marley looks guilty and Kitty immediately picks up on it. Marley stupidly confides in Kitty that Ryder kissed her and she’s feeling guilty about it. Marley, when will you learn that you cannot trust Kitty? She basically just told you that she’s been lying to you and insulting you for the past six months! She tells Marley that boys are like lumps of coal and some turn into diamonds, so you should collect as many as you can. That segues nicely into the girls mash-up. The girls are performing Marilyn Monroe’s “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend” with Madonna’s “Material Girl.” It’s okay, but it’s no Darren in a sexy flight suit.

Kurt has apparently gotten out of the apartment because he’s now practicing his dance moves at NYADA. Adam finds him in one of the studios, practicing his pirouettes. Apparently, Adam wants to hear from Kurt whether or not he is over Blaine. Kurt says it’s all in the past. Adam asks if he’s Kurt’s rebound. Kurt says he’s not, but he’s trying desperately to get over Blaine. Kurt, it’s not working because you and Blaine are meant to be together! Just give in. I actually kind of like Adam, but you’re going to love him the way you love Blaine. Adam decides he’s going to help Kurt get over Blaine and they need to go find a romantic movie to call their own.

Finn goes to tell Will that he found Emma and it’s time for Will to pull out a big romantic gesture. Will stupidly listens to this idiot who thinks life is like a movie. I wish as much as the next person that life was really like a movie, but it’s just not. So, he takes the glee club to Emma’s sister’s house and gets their help in singing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes,” a la John Cusack in “Say Anything.” First, I do actually love their rendition, so whatever. But secondly, Will, maybe this is something you do without your teenage students. You really need to set some more appropriate boundaries with them. They know way too much about your relationship with their guidance counselor. Just as Emma comes to the window, Will holds up the boombox and Emma’s heart starts to warm to him. Also, she’s wearing a gorgeous green nightgown that I really want to own. Will basically orders Emma to come down and talk to him. He finally realizes it’s a little awkward to have all his students around and asks them to leave him and Emma alone. Rather than going inside the warm house, Will and Emma sit out on the hood of Will’s car and talk. Emma apologizes for keeping Will in the dark for so long, but she needed some time to figure things out. She tells Will that she felt like he came back from Washington a totally different person and she realized she wasn’t ready to get married yet. Will condescendingly asks why she didn’t just tell him instead of leaving him at the altar. Emma says she couldn’t think and just ran instead. She asks what happens next and Will suggests they go on a date Friday night to try to get to know each other again. Oh, Wemma. I care about you far less than I used to.

Back at the loft, Santana gets home to tell Rachel how much she loves New York. Rachel really doesn’t want to hear it. Santana asks if Brody ever came home and makes a few more jokes about him being a drug dealer. Rachel is done with Santana’s humor, though. I’m not. Santana has become a way more likable character than Rachel is at this point. Santana finally confesses to Rachel that she knows about the pregnancy test. Rachel tries to deny it, but she breaks down in tears. Santana manages to come through and actually comfort Rachel.

Jake calls Marley to McKinley’s pottery studio and confesses that Ryder was behind all the romantic Valentine’s Day gestures. He decides to recreate the infamous pottery scene from “Ghost” while singing Todd Duncan’s “Unchained Melody.” It’s just as cheesy as it was in the film. Marley decides she can’t take the secrets anymore and confesses that Ryder kissed her. Jake leaves the room without a word. Gah, can’t the three of them just date each other? Seriously, Ryder and Jake like each other as much as they both like Marley.

Will comes back to the choir room and announces that everyone has won the competition. There are several hilarious reactions. Blaine asks why Will even bothers to make it a competition since all of them always win. Ryder literally stands up and throws something. Kitty asks if Maria Shriver is going to come in and give them all hugs. Sugar is in tears and says he’s really saying that they’re all losers. It’s kind of awesome. But, no, Artie realized he was going to need a bunch of people to make his film “Hollywood Hootenanny: A Tribute to Dance in Film” and wants everyone involved. Artie, that project sounds terrible. Will quickly moves on and asks to talk to Finn in the hallway. He wants to thank Finn for helping him get the motivation to go after Emma. Finn stupidly asks if Emma said anything about him kissing her. Will stops and looks at Finn with such rage. Finn keeps apologizing and asks Will to just punch him. Will says nothing and just walks away. Well, that’s going to make things awkward.

Rather than ending the show there on an emotionally charged moment, we need yet another glee club number. So, instead, we end on the club performing Kenny Loggins’ “Footloose.”

Next episode: Everyone’s fighting.

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