The musings of a feminist pop culture fanatic

First of all, sorry to anyone who follows my Glee recaps. I’m behind, but I plan to be caught up by the next new episode. Now, let’s get on to the totally bananas PLL season finale!

Previously on PLL: Dude, it’s the season finale. If you don’t know what happened, this is not the episode to start watching. Regardless, Spencer found out Toby’s part of A. Ezra has a kid and annoyingness ensued. Spencer found Toby’s dead body and completely lost her mind, so she ended up in Radley. It turned out that Toby might not be dead, but Spencer doesn’t believe it. The non-Radley girls broke into the morgue and did not find Toby’s body. Toby broke Spencer’s heart. A kidnapped Ezra’s son and left him at the creepiest puppet show ever. Park rangers found another dead body and believe it to be Toby. Aria tried to break up with Ezra, but he decided that didn’t really work for him. The previouslies end with a greatest hits montage of the shit that has happened to Spencer over the past year. Seriously, everything from snakes almost attacking her to getting trapped in her sauna. Girl’s had a rough time. It’s no wonder that she agreed to help out Mona. Yep, Spencer joined the A Team.

Spencer is home again. The other girls are waiting in her living room for her to come downstairs. They’re discussing whether Spencer will be good as new or still totally fucked up. Emily’s pretty upset about the fact that Toby’s dead. The girls are all dealing with that revelation. Spencer comes downstairs all dressed up and says that there’s no point to have hope in anything. She says they shouldn’t be sad because they lost Toby a long time ago. She goes on to comment about the fact she just got out of Radley and her parents set up an elaborate tea and crumpets spread as if nothing had happened. As someone who has had to deal with WASPs during times of grief, it’s so true. It’s as if they have no emotions. Hanna decides now is the perfect time to ask the question everyone has been wondering: what is the difference between a crumpet and an English muffin? Fortunately, Spencer has the answer. English muffins are baked goods and crumpets are griddlecakes. The girls all want to know how Spencer is doing. She says she’s better because she decided not to be a victim anymore. That’s not how it really works, but okay, hon. Spencer then hands out invitations to a big party her parents are throwing to show everyone Spencer is all better. She asks the girls to come and support her. They remind her they would do anything for her. She ominously says she’s counting on that.

We then head over to A’s new lair. Someone is busy finding a phone number when Mona walks in. Other hoodie is looking at a map of a landing strip and a lodge. Mona looks at the invitation to Spencer’s party. She tells the other hoodie that “we” like her plan and she’ll get her reward on Friday. Mona declares, “Those bitches are finally going to get what they deserve.”

The girls are at school, looking at a flyer for a baby-sitter. Apparently, Ezra has decided to look for a more permanent solution to his baby-sitting struggles. Spencer wants to know if Malcolm blabbed about the fact she kidnapped him, but Aria says he just said her friend Alison picked him up from karate. The other girls want to grill Malcolm for information and show him Mona’s picture, but Aria stands firm that Malcolm is not to be involved. She says she feels guilty enough about not telling Ezra. You should feel guilty, Aria. You always need to tell the parent when their child has been kidnapped! Even if you find the kid again. Spencer thinks kidnapping might be too bold for Mona. Aria leaves and Hanna takes the flyer. Emily reminds her what Aria just said, but Hanna says she could use the extra money. They start to walk away when Shawna walks up. Apparently, her swim team is now practicing at Rosewood. Shawna introduces herself to Spencer and asks if she’ll be at the upcoming swim meet. Shawna walks away. Hanna declares that she hates Shawna because she’ll flirt with anyone except Hanna. Emily reminds us all that Shawna is bad news. Aria is at her locker. She turns around and sees Ezra talking to some of the teachers. He walks over and Aria asks if he had another interview. Ezra tells her he doesn’t think it will work out. Aria says she’s sorry about that and then quickly walks away.

Next, we’re back over at Toby’s abandoned house, now 100% less abandoned. Jenna is back in town and she’s freaking out about something. She’s on the phone and says she’s worried the police have evidence. She tells whoever is on the other end that she needs to see them today. A black hoodie is standing outside and texts an address to the number they were looking up earlier. Apparently, it was Jenna’s cell phone number because she quickly walks over to the window, but the hoodie is already gone.

Aria is up in her room, when Byron comes in to talk to her. He talked to Ella and found out that Ezra wants to teach at Aria’s school again. Aria confirms that she knew about it and Byron reminds her of the fact that dating your teacher is illegal. Aria tells him that Ezra didn’t get the job, but Byron tells her he actually did get the position and Ezra asked for time to decide if he wants to take it.

Meanwhile, Ezra is at The Brew interviewing Hanna for the baby-sitting job. She tells him that she didn’t tell Aria because Hanna didn’t want Aria to feel pressured to get her the job. She goes on to ask what Malcolm likes. She makes a joke asking if he’s into “fast car and fast girls,” but Ezra doesn’t find it all that humorous. Trust me, Hanna, sarcasm does not translate well in job interviews. Ezra says that he’s into trains. He asks her if Hanna has any sort of resume. She says that she hasn’t baby-sat in a couple years, but her mom and Caleb are out of town, so she’s bored. Ezra tells her that he has an appointment tonight and they’ll use that as a test run.

Jenna gets out of a car in the woods. She is wearing extremely high heels, especially for such uneven terrain. She walks up to someone and tells that person she missed them. She says “they’ll all be together this Friday” and whoever it is knows what they need to do. The person clarifies that she knows and asks what the doctor said about Jenna’s eyes. Apparently, Jenna is slowly going blind again. The camera pans up and we see that Jenna is talking to Shawna. The fuck? They hold hands as Shawna promises she’ll always be there for Jenna.

Aria is sitting on a bench, waiting for Ezra. He walks up and Aria asks why he lied about the job offer. He says he doesn’t want to take it and didn’t want Aria to feel guilty. She reminds him that he needs a job, but he reminds her they would have to break up. Aria is in tears at this point. Ezra tells her they’re okay, but Aria says nothing feels right anymore. He says he wants to fix this, but Aria says they can’t get back the magic from the beginning of their relationship. Ezra says he still wants to be together, but Aria says it’s too hard. Ezra tells her that her happiness matters most to him. She tells him she loves him, but she wants him to take the job. She gets up to walk away, but Ezra stops her to tell her he loves her. Aria walks away, holding back her tears. I used to be a huge Ezria fan, but the introduction of his son just killed my love for them. It’s one thing for a 17-year-old and a 25-year-old to date when neither of them have any other huge obligations. It’s entirely different when the 25-year-old has a child.

We see the black hoodie in a diner, scrolling through a camera with pictures of Jenna on it. Someone walks in and the waitress addresses him or her as “Pretty Eyes.” The person walks over to the table with the hoodie and it’s fucking Toby, y’all! He’s alive! After a quick commercial break, Toby takes a seat as the hoodie continues to look at pictures of Jenna. Toby tells the hoodie that Hanna got the job. The hoodie looks up and we see that it’s Spencer. Toby is shocked. Spencer tells him that Mona told her he was alive. She wants to know if he was a part of the conspiracy to make her think he was dead. He tells her that Mona told him about the plan after it had already happened. Spencer asks why he continued to let her think he was dead. She starts crying and Toby tells her that he’s done everything to try to protect her. Spencer says she wants to believe it. He wants to take her somewhere safe and momentarily panics about Mona knowing they’re talking. Spencer says Mona doesn’t know that she found Toby. He was supposed to be her reward for bringing the other girls to Mona. She tells him that she has been in the lair. She also confirms that she kidnapped Malcolm and is the reason for the Ezria break-up. She tells Toby that she’s earned Mona’s trust. Toby tells Spencer it’s still not safe for them to see each other yet, but Spencer says she stopped worrying about herself a long time ago. Toby tells her that he really does love her and has been working with Mona to try to keep Spencer safe. There’s still hope for the Spoby fans after all! I had hoped he was trying to infiltrate A, but I’m still a little skeptical. Toby asks Spencer to believe him and to follow him somewhere. He gets up to leave, as Spencer takes in all this new information. On the one hand, I’m kind of loving evil Spencer. She has been rocking some killer eye makeup since joining A. She’s also straightening her hair. Basically, Evil Spencer is fucking hot.

Hanna is baby-sitting Malcolm. He is completely entranced in some old Bugs Bunny cartoon. Hanna asks if he wants to play a game, but he tells her that Ezra said he could watch cartoons. Hanna tells him that watching TV will make him grow up to be stupid, so he turns off the TV. She wants to play “Guess Who.” She pulls out her phone and says she’s going to show him different pictures of people. If he knows who they are, he’ll tell her so. She starts with a picture of Aria, and he tells her he knows that’s Aria. Next, she shows him a picture of Mona, but he doesn’t recognize her. She asks if Mona is the one who picked him up from karate, but he tells her that he went with Aria’s friend Alison. She shows him pictures of Cece, Melissa, Jenna, and Toby, but he doesn’t recognize any of them. Based on the way she’s sliding through these pictures, it’s like Hanna just keeps a folder of A people on her phone. I’m sure she just made it for tonight so she could question Malcolm, but it’s still weird. Hanna tells Malcolm she needs to go call her friend and he asks to play a game on her phone. She hands it to him and goes to use the landline. She calls Emily, who is out for a run. She’s near Toby’s house and sees Melissa knocking on the window. The front door opens and Melissa goes inside. Emily peeks inside to see Jenna, Shawna, and Melissa talking to each other. Jenna’s worried that someone has tapes of something, but Melissa promises “those bitches” are going to be at the lodge on Friday. Emily looks completely freaked out by what she is seeing.

Toby takes Spencer to a motel room where he has been staying. He tells her he’s been shuffling through a few different motels, so Mona doesn’t find out where he has been staying. Spencer asks him what he knows about Red Coat, but he says the only thing he knows is that she’s in charge. Spencer says she knows. Toby asks if Spencer trusts him yet. Dude, it’s been like five minutes. She needs a bit of time. She tells him she understands why he’s been helping Mona, but she never would have let him suffer like she has. Toby looks like a sad puppy at this statement and Spencer’s heart starts to melt. Naturally, they start making out. Evil Spencer even painted her fingernails black! Love it.

Malcolm is still playing on Hanna’s phone when she gets a text. It’s a picture message of Alison and Spencer. He tells Hanna that Alison is in that picture. Hanna starts to tell him it can’t be true, but he says he remembers her pretty hair. He goes on to clarify that he’s talking about Spencer. Hanna looks completely freaked out.

Emily, Hanna and Aria are together in Hanna’s kitchen. Hanna tells them about Malcolm saying Spencer took him. Emily fills the girls in on Shawna’s attachment to Melissa and Jenna. Aria acts like her head is about to explode. She tells them that she’s about ready to check into Radley. Aria is completely freaking out about Spencer being part of the A team and tells the girls that they’re all screwed. Aria wants to know why Spencer would join the A team. Emily still doesn’t believe it’s true, but Aria is convinced something happened between Spencer and Mona at Radley. Hanna asks if Aria is talking about shock treatment. Hon, no one was thinking that except you. They all try to figure out why Spencer would join the A team now. Emily has an idea that wouldn’t put Spencer at risk, but would tell them whether she had really joined the dark side. Before she tells them, Hanna goes over to turn on some really loud music. She’s convinced someone is watching them. Based on the fact the camera angle keeps switching so we’re looking through blinds, Hanna is probably spot on. They could also go to a room without windows, but okay.

Back at the motel, Spencer and Toby are having sex. I really hope Toby’s not evil. I’ve always loved these two together.

The next day, Aria is standing at school, looking out a window. Ezra comes up to her and tells her he took the job. The whole set-up looks exactly like their interaction at Ali’s funeral. Just to remind you of that, Aria brings up that exact scene. She says that Ezra was right and there never was a happy ending for them. Ezra reminds her that she’s graduating in seven months, so they could get back together then. Aria says that they both need to move on. She gives him a kiss on the cheek and says goodbye. She goes to walk away and pulls her in for a much more passionate goodbye kiss. That’s pretty risky, considering they’re in the hallway at school, but whatever.

Apparently, today is the big swim meet between Rosewood and Oakwood (a.k.a. Shawn’as school). Spencer is there and sees Red Coat walking into the school. Spencer quickly runs after her and follows her into a bathroom. Based on the fact that she actually caught up with her, it’s clear it’s not the real Red Coat. Nope, it’s Hanna. Spencer looks shocked and asks what’s going on. Hanna says that if Spencer followed her, she must not know who Red Coat is, either. Emily and Aria come out of the stalls. Emily says if Spencer doesn’t know who Red Coat is, then she must still be one of them. Aria asks Spencer to tell them the truth and Hanna chimes in that they want to help her. Spencer tells them how Mona came to visit her at Radley and told her that Toby was still alive. Emily freaks out and Spencer confirms that it’s really true. Spencer tells the girls that Toby is still on their side and they all look overjoyed. Spencer tells them that the party on Friday is a set-up by Red Coat to get them all together. Hanna asks when Spencer was going to tell them all this. She tells Hanna that she sent the photo of her and Ali so that Malcolm would see it. The girls realize that everything could be over at the party because they finally have a leg up on Red Coat. Based on the fact this is a season finale and not a series finale, that clearly won’t be the case.

The girls all go to their English class when none other than Ezra walks in as their substitute teacher. All the girls look at Aria to see if she’s freaking out. She pretty much is.

Later that night, the girls are all getting dressed for the party. A hoodie is outside the window, recording their every move. Meanwhile at the lodge, Mona, Spencer and Toby are hanging out. Spencer tells Mona the other girls are running late. Mona is annoyed, since “she’s” expecting all them to be there. Spencer reminds her that they will be. Well, she does so in between making out with Toby. Mona tells Spencer that she doesn’t what “she” is capable of. Toby tells them that he saw the girls getting ready and he has the video Mona wanted. He tells Mona the girls don’t suspect anything. The girls have arrived at the lodge and have changed out of their party gear. Mona is on the phone with Red Coat and tells her it’s safe for her to land. Dude, Red Coat is a fucking pilot! The hell? Mona hangs up and tells Spencer and Toby that Red Coat doesn’t know the others aren’t there. Spencer once again promises they’re coming. In fact, they’re breaking in through an upstairs window right now. Mona suggests they all go for a walk. Toby says he’ll take care of Spencer. She looks shocked and Mona tells her how much it hurts to be betrayed. Toby acts all threatening and they go outside. It’s clear that the entire exchange was rehearsed. It should have been clear to Mona, based on how stunted it was, but whatever. They’re outside and see a plane coming in. Toby tells Spencer she knows what she needs to do if something goes wrong. Meanwhile, someone is putting stakes through the locks on the outside of the lodge. Mona puts on her hoodie to leave, just as the other girls come downstairs to confront her. Mona tells the girls they’re making a mistake, but the girls disagree. Mona goes on to tell them they have no idea what is going on. Aria says they know enough.

Toby and Spencer are still in the woods. They hear something and Toby goes to investigate. He tells Spencer to get to the plane, so she can see Red Coat. He reminds her not to get seen.

We see someone lighting a fire outside the lodge. Since all the doors are locked, we know the girls are totally trapped. Mona starts flipping out and asks the girls what they’ve done. They all start trying their phones, but there’s no signal. They ask how that can be since they just saw Mona make a call. Mona says that “she” is capable of anything. They start running around looking for an exit, but all the doors are locked. Mona is totally losing her shit and says she’ll never know who “she” was. Aria freaks out on Mona, who confirms that she doesn’t even know who Red Coat is. The other girls are more worried about their impending doom and decide to question Mona further later. The lodge is quickly going up in flames and I swear it looks like the fire is making an A.

Spencer sees Red Coat getting off the plane and it’s fucking Ali. Possibly, we don’t clearly see her. Spencer starts to follow her through the woods. However, it’s super foggy and Spencer loses track of Red Coat. Someone is walking through the woods with a flashlight. Toby follows her, only to get knocked over the head by someone else. I’m pretty sure it was Jenna with the flashlight, but we don’t clearly see who it is. Once Toby is knocked out, whoever hit him sets a lighter next to him. I bet I know what Toby’s story arc will be next season! Yep, dude’s getting framed for the fire.

Meanwhile, the girls have seemingly passed out from smoke inhalation. Red Coat gets into the lodge and starts dragging the girls out one by one. Hanna starts to come to and looks up to see Ali standing over her wearing a red coat. Spencer sees the lodge on fire and starts running back towards it. All the girls start to wake up. Mona runs up and asks if anyone else saw Alison. Aria tells Mona she must have been hallucinating and Emily reminds us that Ali’s dead. Hanna says she saw her. Just then, Spencer comes up and says she saw Ali as well.

Toby is also starting to wake up and sees the lighter next to him.

The girls start driving back with Mona. They question Mona about what happened. She says it started when she was at Radley. She says she “made a deal with the devil” and the devil gave her a way to get in and out of Radley. Mona says it was fun to have a partner, but then things changed and Red Coat took over. Emily asks if Mona was at the cemetery the night Ali’s body was stolen. She also wants to know if Mona drugged her. Mona says she was at the cemetery but she doesn’t know who drugged Emily. Hanna wants to know how Mona didn’t see who it was, but Mona says she was wearing a mask. Aria is sure whoever they saw tonight was just wearing an Ali mask. As they pull up in front of Hanna’s house, they see Wilden’s car covered in algae. Somehow, the computer is still working because the tape of Wilden getting hit is still going. They watch Mama Marin run over him. However, the tape continues. Apparently, Jenna and Shawna are the ones who took away Wilden after he got hit. The girls walk around to the back of the car and look at the trunk. Just then, all of their phones start going off, including Mona’s. It’s a text from A that says “you’re mine now.” Spencer opens the trunk and all the girls gasp.

For our season-ending vignette, we see the scene of the hand coming out of the ground where Ali was initially buried, but this time someone is there to grab the hand and help her out of the ground.

Next season: Mona becomes the fifth liar and things continue to be fucking insane. See you in June!

 

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