The musings of a feminist pop culture fanatic

Previously on PLL: Ezra turned out to be super rich and his mom is pretty much evil. Someone in a Queen of Hearts costume attacked Spencer on Halloween. At some point in time, Ali was on a boat with Cece and Wilden, so he’s obviously her potential babydaddy. Spencer and Toby broke up because he’s trying to ruin her life. Ezra left Rosewood to go meet his son. Hanna saw Paige flirting with some girl at a lesbian club, but it turned out Paige was trying to figure out who was the Queen of Hearts. Mona sent Wren to “help” Spencer during her complete and utter breakdown. Spencer launched herself across a table and tried to strangle Mona in possibly the best scene of the show ever. Aria and Ezra’s brother Wes kissed. Jason fell down an elevator shaft as Emily helplessly watched. Then he was somehow able to get up and walk out of his hospital bed.

The girls are at the coffee shop after it’s closed. Emily just might be taking advantage of her employee privileges. Hanna points out that the NAT Club is now out of Rosewood, so maybe A will back off. Always the pessimist, Spencer thinks A will just focus more on the girls. Emily wants to know why Cece lied about knowing Wilden. Aria’s just pissed that they lost the photo of Ali with Cece and Wilden. Hanna floats the possibility that Cece is Red Coat, or Head A. Hanna notices that Wren texted Spencer wanting to talk about what happened earlier, so naturally, Hanna just blurts out her question. Spencer tries to play it off, but the girls aren’t buying it. The girls want to know if Mona could have sabotaged the elevator, but Spencer tries to convince them there was no way it could have been her. They want to know who Spencer thinks is helping Mona, but she still refuses to tell them about Toby. Spencer is saved by a knock at the door. It’s none other than Wilden. He’s trying to find the girls and wants to know why Jason is “saying things” about him. Hanna blurts out that they know he spent time with Cece and Ali. The girls try to stop her from telling, but Hanna is just such a blurter. Wilden finally leaves, but not before being vaguely threatening toward Hanna.

The next morning, the Marin women see Wilden shoving Cece into his car. He glances over and sees them watching. Hanna looks like she’s about to shit herself. Mama Marin wants to know what’s up, but Hanna evades the question. Mama Marin worries he’s questioning her without a parent or lawyer present, but Hanna says he’s not. Mama Marin threatens to talk to him herself, but Hanna tries to stop her. She tells her mom the bare bones of their theory about Wilden and Ali’s relationship. Mama Marin reminds her that you should really not accuse people of pedophilia because they tend to get mad. Hanna says everything is over and blames the idea on Cece.

Emily gets upset with Hanna for telling Mama Marin about the Ali/Wilden theory. Hanna is more concerned that they just put Cece in a super scary situation. Emily decides they need to just confront Cece. Hanna asks if Emily told Paige about the elevator incident, but she says she doesn’t want Paige to worry even more. They wonder if Paige and Caleb have told them everything, but Emily is resistant to encouraging the duo in their quest to find information. She asks Hanna if everything is cool with Caleb and Hanna tells Emily about Uncle Daddy and the Great Church Robbery. Emily thinks Hanna might be jumping to conclusions.

Spencer is still moping around everywhere. Melissa must have snuck out to the salon since the night before because she is rocking a completely different hairstyle from the last episode. Anyway, she says that she won’t keep covering for Spencer with their parents. Spencer says nothing. She decides to go to school, but is still pretty much a useless lump. She has an awkward conversation with Ella about everything that’s happening. Apparently, Spencer almost got suspended for her run-in with Mona, but Mona convinced the school not to do anything. Ella wants to know why Spencer isn’t bouncing back from whatever happened, but Spencer pretty much shuts down. Ella makes sure Spencer knows she can talk to her, but it’s pretty clear Spencer isn’t talking to anyone. Spencer sees Aria in the halls and runs into the bathroom to try to get away from her. Aria says she just want Team SpAria to get back together. She tells Spencer that her friends still need her. Spencer says nothing.

This next segment is brought to you by Bing. Emily and Hanna find Paige after school. They see that she is plugging in Rosewood Costume Shop to her Bing-sponsored GPS and hop in the car with her. Paige tells Emily it’s just a quick stop and she’s not still pursuing A, but Emily doesn’t believe her. Paige jumps in with the reminder that she’s trying to protect Emily, but Emily insists there’s safety in numbers. Paige asks if Hanna is that hard on Caleb, but Hanna tells Paige not to look for sympathy from “the girl whose boyfriend took a bullet in the gut.” The three get to the costume shop. Shana (the costume girl) says she still wants to know why Paige needs to know who wore the costume, but Paige evades the question. There’s some pretty clear awkward sexual tension between Paige and Shana, which everyone is noticing. Shana tells Paige she can’t give out confidential customer information, which everyone should know. Hanna diverts Shana and Paige’s attention while Emily sneaks onto the computer and just steals the customer’s credit card number. That is highly illegal, ma’am.

Spencer is reading at the coffee shop. Wren comes up and wants to discuss what happened with Mona. Spencer apologizes for using him, but Wren says he deserves to be used. He admits that he really just wanted to get into Spencer’s pants. Sir, you have finished medical school. Why are you pursuing a teenage girl? Unless you are Doogie Howser, she is too young for you. Wren wants to know why Spencer is so ridiculously pissed at Mona, but Spencer doesn’t divulge much information. Wren gets up to leave, but Spencer is super lonely and Wren is a hot British man. Wren asks her out to dinner and Spencer agrees. She and Wren have a great night together and they kiss before going their separate ways. Someone sees them and it seems like a certain member of Team A might be the jealous type. Spencer starts heading home and sees the blonde in the red coat. She goes to follow her, but Red Coat vanishes. Eventually, Spencer gets home and Melissa realizes she was out with Wren. She tells Spencer that no company is better than bad company and reminds her about her past relationship with Wren. Even when she’s trying to be nice, Melissa is a huge bitch.

Later that night, Emily and Hanna are hanging out. Hanna calls Caleb to get his help in being illegal and tracking people’s credit card numbers. Emily is more worried about other things, though. She starts by asking Hanna if she thinks Toby cheated on Spencer. Hanna says that Toby is too loyal to ever do that and realizes Emily is really worried about Paige cheating on her. Hanna assures her that would never happen. Emily apparently leaves and goes straight to Paige’s house because the next time we see her, she’s in Paige’s room. Paige asks Emily why Shana got in trouble for e-mailing confidential information. Emily tells Paige that this is all bigger than they think and Mona might be working for someone. She goes on to ask why there was so much tension between Paige and Shana. Apparently, the two of them dated while Emily was working in Haiti. Paige promises Shana was just a substitute for Emily and she very much loves her. The two make out and it’s super adorable.

Mama Marin is sitting at a restaurant by herself. Wilden comes up and makes himself comfortable at her table. He orders her a glass of wine and tries to convince her to intervene with Hanna’s allegations. Mama Marin points out that he’s super nervous if it’s something that isn’t true. Wilden promises he’s innocent of everything, but Mama Marin doesn’t seem to believe him. He gets up and walks away.

In super boring Aria news, the Aria/Fitz Brothers love triangle continues. Wes is gone and Aria is worried about him for about a second. She gets distracted, though, because Ezra is finally back in town! They spend a bunch of time assuring each other that they’re still in love and want to be together forever. Blah blah blah. Aria spends the next few scenes freaking out about the fact that she’s now dating a man with a seven-year-old son and maybe she’s not ready to be a stepmom before she graduates high school. Ezra’s mom is also back and getting super involved in Ezra’s life. She goes to see Aria and realizes Aria might have a thing for Wes as well. Fitz and his mom get into an argument. Next thing you know, Maggie calls to let Ezra know that his mom is selling the condo she bought for Maggie and Malcolm. That’s what happens when you cross Mama Fitz. You become homeless. Look, I loved Ezria at the beginning, but I just kind of find them dull now. I still want to see Ezra shirtless as often as possible, but unless he turns out to be on the A Team, his character has been completely detached from the rest of the show since like season 2.

Mama Marin leaves the restaurant and calls Hanna as she heads home. She doesn’t realize, but Wilden is following her. He’s doing a really bad job at trying to hide the fact that he leaves at the exact time she does. Anyway, a little ways down the road, Wilden pulls over Mama Marin and tries to bust her for DUI. Mama Marin does not want to put up with his bullshit, but Wilden is totally abusing his authority here. We see that everything is being caught on Wilden’s dashboard cam. Wilden wants to be sure that Hanna stays quiet and basically threatens Mama Marin. She starts to walk away, but he grabs her. He says things will be much worse if Hanna talks. She gets back into the car and Wilden reaches for his gun. Mama Marin hits the gas and fucking runs him over! What is it with the Marins and vehicular manslaughter? Later that night, Hanna goes into the kitchen to find Mama Marin sitting alone in the dark. Mama Marin confesses she might have killed Wilden. The two go back to the scene of the crime, but Wilden’s gone. His car is still there and the dashboard cam is running, though.

Emily goes over to Cece’s apartment and she is getting the hell out of dodge. Emily asks if it’s about Wilden and Cece is all like “no shit, Sherlock.” Emily tells Cece that they’re scared of Wilden, too, and Cece basically tells her they should be. She says she thought Wilden got Ali pregnant and then killed her. Emily asks about what happened the night Ali died. Cece says that Ali was freaking out about the videos the NAT Club had and no one wanted them more than Melissa. Apparently, Melissa is also the one who took the photo on the sailboat.

Spencer decides to take a steam in her in-home sauna. The Hastings are like obscenely rich. Anyway, she does not notice that a black hoodie is in the room with her. Later, Spencer goes to get out of the sauna, but finds a plunger through the door handles. The temperature keeps rising and she sees a message from A written in the steam. “Steamy with Wren, steamy with me.” Spencer keeps banging on the door and for some reason, Aria just happened to come over. Aria saves Spencer from the Sauna of Doom. She gets water for Spencer and says she is going to stay with her tonight. Spencer decides this was the last straw and asks Aria to call Hanna and Emily. She’s finally ready to tell them the truth about Toby, but we’ll see that next week.

A seems to have taken up flower arranging. A black hoodie chops the heads off some roses and makes a huge ass funeral wreath. That’s right. Someone is about to die. We’ll find out who it is in the next episode.


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