The musings of a feminist pop culture fanatic

Previously on PLL: Spencer found out Toby is on the A Team and started spiraling out of control. Caleb’s uncle might be his dad. Mona called Spencer out for her lack of commitment to the academic decathlon. Ezra cried and then left town to meet his son, so his brother Wes came to stay in the empty apartment. Wilden went to Cape May at some point in his life and caught a big fish. Spencer decided to tell Jason in front of Ali’s new eternal resting place that Ali might have been pregnant when she died and the girls have decided Wilden is the babydaddy. Emily saw someone in a red coat by Ali’s grave the night her body was dug up.

The girls are all worried about Spencer. She hasn’t been showing up to classes. Emily tried to call Toby to find out what happened, but he is not returning her calls. Emily decides to get some cupcakes and show up at Spencer’s house after school. Hanna thinks they might be overreacting a bit and Spencer just needs to work through her pain. Aria thinks Spencer needs a riddle to exercise that part of her brain. They start talking about the possible girl in the red coat and Hanna drops the bomb that she thinks she saw her at her fake interview where the mannequins attacked.

The girls then hear Spencer yelling at someone. It’s Hot Nerdy Andrew from the academic decathlon team. Apparently, Spencer hasn’t been showing up to practice, so she is off the team. Spencer says she has been practicing on her own, but Andrew says it’s not the same. The team took a vote and Spencer’s gone. Spencer goes over to Mona and asks if there’s anything else Mona wants to take from her before she stomps away. Emily meets Spencer at her locker and asks if she can come over after work to talk to Spencer about everything that has happened. Spencer is barely holding on and just runs away saying she can’t handle things today. Spencer goes to put on her sunglasses, but A has written a message on the insides of the lenses. It says “If you rat out T, I take down 1 of your 3.”

Aria and Hanna are trying to figure out how to help Spencer. Well, Aria is. Hanna is trying to find Caleb’s Uncle Daddy. Aria thinks Hanna should be focused on Spencer, who is currently at home “chewing her elbows.” I’m sorry, Aria. That is not a real phrase. The hell? Hanna is determined to find Uncle Daddy Jamie, though. Aria tries to get Hanna to stay out of the situation, but Hanna is convinced Uncle Daddy Jamie really wants to tell Caleb because she saw it in his eyes. Aria’s phone starts ringing. It’s Ezra’s mom, for some unknown reason. Apparently, Ezra’s mom wants to know if Wes has been staying at Ezra’s apartment. Aria pretends she knows nothing.

Cece comes into the coffee shop and Emily asks if she knows Wilden. She goes into her theory about how Wilden is the beach hottie, but Cece is worried about work stuff and finding a photographer for her shop. She says she doesn’t know who Wilden is and leaves.

Spencer is at home, making some sort of smoothie. It looks like she is just liquefying the contents of her refrigerator. Hot Nerdy Andrew comes over to give Spencer a pep talk. He tells her the war between her and Mona is distracting the whole team. Spencer tells Andrew they need her for the world history questions, but Andrew has apparently been studying up on that category. Spencer challenges him to a question-off from the world history study guide, but she proposes they make it strip studying. For every question one of them gets wrong, he or she has to remove an article of clothing. “The match isn’t over until one of us is butt naked,” according to Spencer. A little while later, Andrew is down to his boxers while Spencer has just removed her bra from under her shirt. It’s at that moment Emily shows up. Andrew freaks out as Spencer assures him he’s not Emily’s type. Emily hilariously asks if she should have brought more cupcakes. Andrew runs out the door and Emily asks what the hell was going on. Spencer says she was about to get her spot back on the team by showing Andrew her “cupcakes.” Emily says Spencer is way too smart to pull this sort of crap, but Spencer said she needed to. Spencer freaks out when Emily mentions she called Toby.

Later that night, the Hastings sisters are having dinner together when Wren shows up. That leads to a really awkward conversation between Wren and Melissa before she flees. Wren tells Spencer he got a call from someone who is worried about her, but he is not there as a professional, just as a friend. She tells Wren to tell Emily that she doesn’t need supervision. Wren says it wasn’t any of the girls who called him. Spencer correctly guesses that it was Mona who called Wren. She immediately changes her tune. She tells Wren that it was incredibly thoughtful of Mona to call him and she just wants to get out of the house for a while. Spencer asks to go to dinner and a movie with him. There’s a film festival up near Bucknell, which is near Louisburg, which is where the academic decathlon currently is. She goes to change as Wren just sits there. What is it with these adult men in Rosewood constantly trying to get with teenage girls? Wren has finished medical school, but he looks incredibly excited to be going on a date with a high school junior.

Jason is sitting in an empty classroom full of chairs when Emily goes to visit him. She wants to talk to him about the possibility of Ali being pregnant. Emily explains they don’t know if it’s true or if Wilden is involved. When Emily mentions the picture of Wilden in Cape May, Jason asks if he was on a boat. Apparently, Ali made her dad a collage of pictures of her. In one of them, she was on a boat. Jason automatically assumes it was Wilden’s boat. Emily worries about Jason getting involved, but Jason has already contacted Wilden.

Hanna goes to visit Uncle Daddy Jamie. She straight up asks him if he is Caleb’s father. UD Jamie says he disappoints a lot of people and doesn’t want to let down Caleb. He divulges that he was in jail for petty theft. Hanna encourages him to tell Caleb the truth. While UD Jamie appears to be coming around to the idea of reconnecting with his child, Caleb is none too happy Hanna is getting involved. She says she didn’t want Caleb hunting down A behind her back, but he did anyway. They continue to fight as Mama Marin comes home.  Later that night, Hanna is getting ready to go meet UD Jamie. Caleb shows up and says he can only get through this meeting if Hanna is there with him. They sit at the coffee shop for quite some time before UD Jamie finally shows up. Caleb agrees to talk with Jamie, even though he and Hanna were just getting ready to leave. Hanna says she would get Jamie another piece of cake, but if she stands up, she’s going to have to pee and she does not want to leave the two of them alone with each other. Aw, Hanna. You’re so endearing. Later, Hanna comes back to the Marin household alone. Caleb and UD Jamie are getting along famously, so Hanna left them alone. She asks Mama Marin if Pastor Ted found a carpenter for the church because UD Jamie would be completely perfect for that job. Next thing we know, Hanna and Caleb are sitting in the church. Apparently, UD Jamie had an interview with Pastor Ted right away. I don’t even understand this timeline anymore. It should be like midnight by now with all the stuff that has happened in one night. Anyway, Hanna worries that UD Jamie thinks she’s too pushy, but Caleb says he actually thinks Caleb is the luckiest person ever for having Hanna in his life. They start to make out, as Mama Marin walks into the chapel and says “Amen. I see the spirit has moved you.” Oh, Mama Marin. I love you so much. Mama Marin tells the kids that UD Jamie did in fact get the job and they’re going back to the Marin house to celebrate with some pizza.  On her way out, Hanna drops a $5 bill into the offering. On the back of the bill, someone has drawn some dice. Back at the house, Mama Marin goes to pay for the pizza with a $100 bill, but the delivery guy says he can’t break that. UD Jamie comes to the rescue and insists that he pay for the pizza. He pulls the money out of his wallet. One of the bills he uses is a $5 with some dice drawn on the back. It seems like UD Jamie might not be fully free from his petty theft ways. Stealing from a church, dude? Really?

Aria goes over to Ezra’s apartment, where Wes is getting ready to move out. Even though his mom didn’t call Aria until that afternoon, she had already found Wes. She was just testing Aria. Anyway, Wes is on the run. As they’re talking, Cece calls Aria to find out if Aria is still working for Rosewood’s only photographer. Aria agrees to help Cece out with her photo emergency if she can bring an assistant. Aria and Wes set up the photo shoot. Cece asks Aria if things are cool with her and Ezra and she also alleges that Aria should be with Wes. Cece leaves to go pick up dinner. She apparently is gone for a long because Aria and Wes break into some red wine. Aria asks Wes to move a heavy spotlight closer to the table. In the process, he knocks over the bottle so the red wine spills onto a white carpet. Aria starts freaking out. She starts blotting at it and throwing water on the stain. Oh, honey. That’s not coming out. Aria continues to freak out about the stain. Wes lets it slip that he has been sleeping in the backseat of his car. Aria insists that Wes come stay with her. Just then, Cece calls. She tells Aria that while she was waiting for the food, her car got towed. However, we see that Cece is definitely sitting in her car. Could Cece be the blond woman in the red coat behind everything? Probably not, but it looks like that’s what they’re going to try to get us to believe for now. Aria promises to send her the files of the photos and hangs up. Wes reluctantly agrees to stay with Aria. Wes continues to worry about not telling Cece about the stain, but Aria is unconcerned. She gets some bedding out for Wes. They start talking about books. Aria is clearly crushing on Lil’ Fitz a bit. This is made clearer when Wes leans in to kiss her. Aria freaks out and pushes him away.

Later that night, Jason and Emily go to Jason’s dad’s new office to try to find the picture of Ali. When they get there, they find a million bottles of whisky, the exact kind that A was buying in last week’s vignette. Emily gets a text from A that says “Better tell him to save a couple. He’ll need it.” She begins to look around for A. Oh, Emily. You should know better by now. They go into Jason’s dad’s office and start looking through boxes. As they look, the two discuss who would have put out all those whisky bottles. Emily says she knows Jason sees Mona as a friend, but it’s totally something Mona would do. Jason tells Emily that Mona is not his friend. He thinks she knows who dug up Ali’s grave and he’s totally just using her for information. They finally find the photo collage with the picture of Ali on the boat. When they pull back the photos covering either side of Ali, they see that Wilden and Cece are in the picture with her. Jason thinks Cece is covering her own tracks. He has a flashback to the night Ali died. He sees Cece wearing the clothes that Ali was wearing, but he was so drunk that he just passed out in the yard. Emily and Jason go to leave the office, but the elevator starts going haywire when they get inside. They pry the doors open and realize they are between a couple floors. Jason convinces Emily to wriggle out of the doors and jump. She looks down and sees that they are very far up in the shaft. Emily is understandably freaking out and stupidly jumps out the elevator doors. She is extremely lucky and makes the jump. She agrees to hold the doors open for Jason to jump, but the elevator crashes down to the ground as Emily screams.

Spencer and Wren are on their mini road trip to this film festival. Spencer is totally playing Wren and he suspects nothing. Seriously, I’m a better psychiatrist than Wren is. They end up at a little restaurant. Spencer tells Wren she has to e-mail her parents really quickly, but she goes into the room where the academic decathlon is getting set up. Andrew immediately comes up and asks what she is doing there. She flirts with him for a moment and says she’s not there to see him. Then the coach comes up and questions her. Spencer says she just wants to be there to cheer on the team. She goes over to Mona and starts messing with her about Wren. Everything she says just fucks with Mona’s head more and it is a completely priceless scene. She starts by implying that she is sleeping with Wren. Then she says that Wren is making her read all his notes about Mona. She tells Mona that she will be uploading Wren’s case study about her on the Internet with Mona’s picture attached. Mona tells Spencer she looks completely crazy and asks if that’s why Toby left her. Spencer tells Mona she might have taken Toby away, but Spencer still has her friends. Mona says she doesn’t see any of Spencer’s friends with her now. At that point, Spencer lunges across the table at Mona, screams “DIE” and starts choking her. It is beyond hilarious. Troian Bellisario was completely perfect in that scene. The best part was if you watched it live on ABC Family. As Spencer lunged, a Twitter topic came up in the corner that just said #SpencerSnapped. On the way home, Melissa calls Spencer’s phone. When she refuses to answer, Wren does it for her. He explains they went to a restaurant and Spencer has “a bit of a chippy tummy.” I love Britishisms so much. He tells Melissa they’ll be home soon.

Emily sends the girls an “S.O.S.” text, telling them to come meet her at the hospital. Jason somehow survived the fall, but he’s pretty beaten up. He tells Emily she and Spencer were right about the “N.A.T. Club.” He thinks someone wants him gone. In the fall and ensuing trip to the hospital, he lost the photo of Ali and Wilden. He asks Emily to get him some more water. Emily leaves his room and meets up with Hanna and Aria in the hall. She fills them in on everything that has happened. Spencer shows up and asks if she can see him. Just then, a nurse comes out and asks where Jason went. They look back and his hospital bed is indeed empty.

This week, our A vignette consists of a black hoodie putting a picture of each of the girls on bottles of whisky. In the middle of the four bottles, an empty bottle spins around. It’s basically a really screwed up version of Spin the Bottle, with mayhem instead of kissing. One hoodie spins and lands on Aria. Another hoodie reaches for Spencer’s bottle. The first hoodie pours two glasses from Spencer’s bottle as they seemingly toast to each other.

Next week: Spencer might be ready to clue the girls in to the fact that Toby is evil.

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