The musings of a feminist pop culture fanatic

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I’m going to take a quick break from the entertainment reviews with this post. For those of you who don’t know me, this past week has been particularly atrocious. However, parts of it have also been great. Here’s just a quick glimpse into the events of the past seven days.

I started off the week with a fantastic first interview with City Year. A couple hours later, I got fired from my job, which I absolutely adored. Then I found out I got a second interview with City Year. Tuesday, I found out that my grandmother was being taken off dialysis and going into hospice care. I had another great City Year interview on Wednesday and got a call about a job interview for a position at a community mental health center. I went back home on Thursday for a long-planned weekend at home with my parents and best friend. On Friday, my grandmother passed away. On top of that, there was a particularly terrifying health scare with one of my loved ones, which turned out to not be as scary as it could have been.

For a bipolar person, I’m used to my moods going up and down fairly rapidly. However, this was such a rollercoaster of a week. Coming off a week filled with anxiety attacks and depression, September has not been my month. As I was sitting at the Ben Folds Five concert Friday night with my best friend who has also had a pretty shit-tastic month, lots of random thoughts just kept popping into my head. I could try to verbalize them, but it would probably come out pretty angsty and woeful. Instead, I’m just going to post the random lyrics that kept popping out at me. And hey, if it by any chance inspires anyone to listen to Ben Folds Five, so be it.

Fred sits alone at his desk in the dark
There’s an awkward young shadow who waits in the hall
Yeah, he’s cleared all his things and he’s put them in boxes
Things that remind him that life has been good”
There was no party, and there were no songs
‘Cause today’s just a day like the day that he started
And no one is left here who knows his first name
And life barrels on like a runaway train
Where the passengers change, but they don’t change anything
You get off someone else can get on”
 Fred Jones, Part 2

So you wanted
To take a break
Slow it down some and
Have some space
Well, fuck you too”
– 
Song for the Dumped

Erase me, what the fuck is this?
You’re crazy
Turn around in 2 weeks time
Replaced me
Ah, the memory, everybody knows how it goes
You just erase me
Do me like a bro and taze me
Fireworks poof, it’s gone, amazing”
– 
Erase Me

Well, I thought about the army
Dad said, son, you’re fucking high”
“Been thinking a lot today
Been thinking a lot to today
Oh, I think I’ll write a screenplay
Oh, I think I’ll take it to LA
Oh, I think I’ll get it done yesterday
In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I say to my reflection
God please spare me more rejection
‘Cause my peers, they criticize me
And my ex-wives all despise me
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels”
– 
Army

But I opened my eyes and walked out the door
And the clouds came tumbling down
And it’s bye-bye, goodbye I tried
Treading a sea of a troubled mind
Had to leave myself behind
Singing bye-bye, goodbye I tried
If you wrote me off, I’d understand it
Because I’ve been on some other planet
So come pick me up
I’ve landed”
– Landed

You might put your love and trust on the line
It’s risky, people love to tear that down
Let ’em try
Do it anyway
Risk it anyway
And if you’re paralyzed by a voice in your head
It’s the standing still that should be scaring you instead
Go on and
Do it anyway
Do it anyway
Despite your grand attempts the chips are set to fall
And all the stories you might weave cannot negotiate them all
Do it anyway
Be honest, anyway
So tell me what I said I’d never do
Tell me what I said I’d never say
Read me off a list of the things I used to not like but now I think are okay
Call it surrender but you know that that’s a joke
And the punchline is you were never actually in control
But still, surrender anyway”
– 
Do It Anyway

With that, I’m saying goodbye to the horrid month of September. Enough with the depression and anxiety I had basically all month. There are only 2 1/2 hours left of this awfulness. As Green Day says, “Wake me up when September ends.”

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