EW Description: “Escape the dating-show doldrums with a curveball: Bachelor Brad Womack who walked away sans fiancee in season 11, is back to prove he’s a changed man who can find love…and take a bitch-slap or two.”
I used to be an obsessive fan of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. I faithfully watched every single week. I kept notes on all of the dates and who got roses or sent home. I would get really attached to some of the women or men and I would bawl my eyes out when they got kicked off the show. Granted, I was also in middle school during this phase. After a couple of seasons, I grew out of my reality TV phase and moved on to scripted TV.
When this show popped up on the Must List, I rolled my eyes. There’s such a thing as a guilty pleasure and then there’s something that just makes me feel guilty when I watch it. I find no pleasure in this show. I’ve watched one episode over about four days because I keep having to walk away from it.
Here’s the basic gist of the episode I watched (which was this Monday’s episode): It’s their first date with Brad. All of the women are in love with him (before they’ve been on a date with him). One woman (Melissa, I believe) keeps talking about how she quit her job and came all this way just for Brad (she didn’t know who the Bachelor was until she got out of the limo).
Two women got one-on-one dates with Brad. For one of them, he took the woman to an abandoned carnival (which almost seemed straight out of a horror movie, but was apparently romantic). He took the other woman to get massages and then gave her a whole bunch of clothes and jewelry. Then they got a private concert from Train at the Hollywood Bowl.
On what planet is that actually a first date? If these people really want to find lasting love, they need to go on a real date. Not some bullshit manufactured Disney princess dream crap. When real life sets in and you can’t take her to get a private concert from a famous band, of course there’s going to be disappointment. None of these people are falling in love with a real person. They’re falling in love with a manufactured image that will never stand up in everyday life. People seem shocked when these relationships don’t work out, but it’s ridiculous to think they would.
Don’t even get me started on the group date (15 women, 1 man) where they did community service for the Red Cross. It’s a noble cause, but they wrote a bunch of nonsensical skits for public service announcements so they could have Brad make out with as many women as possible. Any good intentions they might have had with doing these went out the window when they tried to create all this drama. Also, if I had to hear that one annoying woman complain about how other people were around on her birthday, I was going to throw something at my television.
Also, when you’re throwing around the love word after one date, that’s not love at first sight. Most people would find that disturbing and stalkerish. But here, we’re supposed to celebrate the fact these people think they’ve found love after spending a romantic evening with this person and their camera crew. You have to be shitting me.
Then the last Bachelorette Ali and the “winner”/her “fiance” Roberto came back to judge if these women were here for the “right reasons” or not. None of them are. They’re all here to fulfill their delusions of romantic grandeur. This show does not exist for people who want real love. It exists for pathetic, deluded people who think fairy tales are a legitimate possibility.
If you ever feel any urge to actually watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, resist with all your might. If you really want to know what’s going on (I admit, I still have a bit of morbid curiosity), read the recaps on Television Without Pity. You get all the sarcasm built into it and you don’t have to suffer through the bloated two-hour-long episodes.