Tosh.O (1/14)

EW Description: “Did you see that crazy viral video? Probably not, because comedian Daniel Tosh hasn’t been around to help you wade through the world of Web weirdness. Well, now his TV series is back and he’s offering more funny, scathing commentary about every awesome — or embarrassing — Internet sensation.”

I’ve read, watched, and listened to a lot of new things for this blog. Some of it turned out to be completely amazing (The King’s Speech, Black Swan, Winter’s Bone, etc.) and some of it was just painful (Fashion Police, The Bachelor), but even when something was truly atrocious, I managed to make it all the way through it. I sat through two hours of The Bachelor, although I did have to spread it out over a few days. Today, however, is the first time I have not been able to make it through all of a TV show that was recommended to me by EW.

The bit that pushed me over the edge concerned the Antoine Dodson “Hide Yo Kids” viral video. I’ll admit it, I’ve watched the autotuned news video more times than I can count and my roommates and I have dance parties to the song at random times. It’s my secret shame. However, Daniel Tosh took it to a whole new level on the season 3 premiere of Tosh.O. I’ll let Tosh’s words speak for themselves.

“That’s Antoine Dodson and he hates rape. Instead of crying in the shower for three hours, he fought back. Rape is an awful crime, but the fact is, without rape, we wouldn’t have this great video. Plus, Tori Amos would have nothing to sing about. I’d never want to buy a Duke lacrosse t-shirt and there’d be no Law & Order: Special Victims Unit for your parents to watch while you’re upstairs trying to rape your girlfriend. Basically, there are four kinds of rape. You have your traditional scary rape, which seems to only happen to joggers, so if you want to stay safe, knock it off with the cardio. Then there’s prison rape, which involves criminals, so it doesn’t really count. Now, date rape is the politest rape of them all, but it would happen way less often if doctors would just stop prescribing the date rape drug. Last but not least, there’s statutory rape, which can be very confusing because let’s be honest, women never look their age. 15 or 57? Who can tell? I don’t work at a goddamn carnival. And every place is different. In these states, the age of consent is 16. Basically, if your state can’t wait for President Palin, it’s a safe bet you can legally bang a high school sophomore. But for you real perverts, in Mexico it’s 12, so book your flights today. I’ve never been raped, but I have seen the movie Somewhere by Sofia Coppola and I’m pretty sure the experience is equally horrific. I know I’d be a terrible rapist. I struggle with a consenting female. So, if you’re squirming around throwing elbows, trust me ladies and gentlemen, you’re safe. But in the end, rape is just the word pear all jumbled up. I look at rape the same way I look at HIV. If you play guard for the Lakers, it won’t affect you. Antoine vowed to catch his sister’s rapist, but he got caught up in being famous and never followed through. That’s why I brought him to Hollywood, the sole/soul rape capital of the world to finish the job in this week’s Web Redemption.”

If you find this funny, you’ll love the show. If not, don’t ever waste your time. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go vomit now.


Screen Actors Guild awards (1/28)

EW Description: “Always a fun glamorous ceremony, the SAGs celebrate the best in TV and movie acting — and give a key preview of the famous faces who’ll shine at the upcoming Academy Awards.”

Since I was at work when the awards aired live, I’m just now getting to watch the ceremony. Since it’s not a liveblog per se, this is going to be more of a stream of consciousness type thing. It still goes in order of the telecast. It’s just not live.

First of all, the introduction was super awkward. They started by showing a whole bunch of people on the red carpet, like it’s going to be a surprise that there are actors at the SAG Awards. Then they had people (Jack McBrayer, Julianna Margulies, Rico Rodriguez, Melissa Leo, Julia Stiles) go around and say some random anecdote or thought about being an actor. It just seemed very stilted and weird.

Betty White and Alec Baldwin presented Outstanding Male Actor in a Drama Series to Steve Buscemi for Boardwalk Empire. I’m so over the love for this show. Yes, it’s good, but people are acting like it’s the greatest show ever. Yes, it’s shiny and new, but there were other shows that are far better. Buscemi is a fantastic actor, but this was Jon Hamm’s season on Mad Men. He was absolutely fantastic and the fact he has yet to win a SAG or an Emmy for it is absolutely abhorrent.

Mark Ruffalo and Annette Bening come out to talk about The Kids Are All Right. Once again, the teleprompter makes it super awkward. They have their arms around each other and there’s a lot of awkward giggling. It’s just weird. Plus, I hated this movie.

Eva Longoria and Cory Monteith presented Outstanding Female Actor in a Drama Series to Julianna Margulies for The Good Wife. I can’t be too angry about this award. I knew Elisabeth Moss wasn’t going to win. Apparently, she thought so too because she didn’t even show up to the awards. I haven’t gotten into The Good Wife, but everything I hear about her is that she’s phenomenal. I just feel like it was a really strong season for Peggy on Mad Men, so I would have loved to see her win.

Sofia Vergara and Taye Diggs present Outstanding Ensemble in a Drama Series to Boardwalk Empire. Once again, I think it should have been Mad Men. Empire does have a really awesome cast, though, so I’m not as upset about this as about all the love for Steve Buscemi.

Now, all the TV Drama Series people can relax since they’re done for the night. That’s the nice thing about the SAGs. They get straight to business and don’t fuck around. It’s nice.

In exchange for rushing through the Drama Series categories, we get a speech from the SAG president about the upcoming labor negotiations between SAG and AFTRA. Then Dennis Haysbert comes out to try to make us love commercials. It doesn’t work.

Jason Bateman presents Outstanding Female Actor in a Supporting Role to Melissa Leo for The Fighter. She was absolutely phenomenal in this role and gave the best performance of the nominees. Plus, it’s always nice to see someone who has been in the business for a really long time start to get the recognition she deserves.

Amy Poehler presents Outstanding Male Actor in a Comedy Series to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. Not gonna lie. I pretty much think he’s phoning it in at this point. It should have gone to Ty Burrell for Modern Family. He gave a much better performance this year.

Jon Hamm (swoon) presents Outstanding Female Actor in a Comedy Series to Betty White for being Betty White. Supposedly, it’s for Hot in Cleveland, but anyone who has seen that show knows it’s not that funny. I’m pretty sure God would have killed a kitten for everyone that voted against Betty White, however. She gave the best acceptance speech of the night, without a doubt. I love how she’s still so humble. She’s Betty fucking White. She’s 89 and is one of the funniest people in the world. Yet she seems surprised that she won an award. I also loved when she fondled the statue.

Colin Firth, Helena Bonham Carter, and Geoffrey Rush come out to introduce The King’s Speech. Absolutely phenomenal film. See it if you haven’t yet.

Angie Harmon (who is wearing possibly the biggest dress in the room) and LL Cool J present Outstanding Ensemble in a Comedy Series to Modern Family. Without a doubt, the best ensemble on television right now. There’s not a weak link in the bunch. After they got robbed at the Golden Globes, it’s great to see them get the recognition they deserve.

Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman come out to introduce Black Swan. This is my pick for Best Picture this year, but it’s definitely a dark horse.

Tim Conway comes out to present the Lifetime Achievement Award to Ernest Borgnine. This is awful, but I know him best as Marty, the title character from my least favorite Best Picture winner in all of history. This is honestly the cheesiest clip package I’ve ever seen. The narrator is using this weird sing-song voice and using phrases like “Ernie had to pinch himself.” Plus, there’s this weird music and it’s just awful. This man’s entire career is boiled down into a cheesy five-minute long biography that seems more like a bad public service announcement. The last sentence of the clip package was “And they don’t make them like Ernest Borgnine, a true living legend.” Just read that in your head like you’re trying to be sarcastic and cheesy. That sums up this entire package.

Robin Wright and Mark Wahlberg present Outstanding Male Actor in a TV Movie or Miniseries to Al Pacino for You Don’t Know Jack. I actually saw that movie and it was really terrible. He’s basically getting the award for being Al Pacino. Fortunately, he didn’t show up because whenever he wins an award, we’re all reminded why it’s incredibly important that someone write Al Pacino’s words for him.

Armie Hammer, Andrew Garfield, Justin Timberlake, and Jesse Eisenberg come out to present The Social Network. Fortunately, it wasn’t a repeat of the Golden Globes for Andrew Garfield and he proved to us that he can actually read.

Rosario Dawson and Josh Duhamel present Outstanding Female Actor in a TV Movie or Miniseries to Claire Danes for Temple Grandin. She’s absolutely phenomenal. There’s no argument on this award. Extremely well-deserved.

Hilary Swank comes out to do the In Memoriam section of the show. Everyone gets sad.

Susan Sarandon presents Oustanding Male Actor in a Supporting Role to Christian Bale for The Fighter. If Bale weren’t in this category, it would have gone to Geoffrey Rush for The King’s Speech in a heartbeat. Anytime an actor changes his physical appearance that dramatically for a role, he pretty much seals up every single award. Rush gave a great performance, but Bale transformed himself. Even though the momentum is shifting toward The King’s Speech, the Supporting Actor Oscar is Bale’s to lose. Plus, it was just super sweet when the real-life Dickie came up on stage with Bale.

Mark Wahlberg and Amy Adams come out to introduce The Fighter. They start out with some awkward conversation about Christian Bale and then realize we don’t want to see them talk and we just want them to get on with it. The introduction ends with Mark Wahlberg giving a shout out to his show Boardwalk Empire. It’s like he knew he wasn’t going to win the Best Actor award tonight, so he wanted to give his acceptance speech somewhere else.

Jeff Bridges presents Outstanding Female Actor in a Leading Role to Natalie Portman for Black Swan. She’s basically a shoo-in for the Oscar at this point and it’s completely well-deserved. She’s come a long way since the days of Star Wars and Where the Heart Is. Fortunately, there’s no awkward laughter and talk about how her fiance clearly wanted to have sex with her, like at the Golden Globes. This speech was far less awkward for everyone involved.

Nicole Kidman presents Outstanding Male Actor in a Leading Role to Colin Firth for The King’s Speech. The argument for Firth’s win is exactly the same as the one for Bale’s win for Best Supporting Actor. Firth transformed himself into the stammering King George VI. It’s simultaneously heartbreaking and triumphant.

Donald Sutherland presents Outstanding Cast in a Motion Picture to The King’s Speech. I really hope Sutherland is filming a movie about Ambrose Burnside because there’s no other excuse for the furry animals currently growing on the sides of his face. As far as full ensemble acting goes, I thought The Social Network was stronger. With this award, The King’s Speech officially becomes the frontrunner for Best Picture and The Social Network becomes the dark horse. We’ve got a month until we see what actually happens.

Overall, there were no real surprises. Nobody was completely trashed. No one gave a really awkward train wreck of a speech. It was far from the most exciting awards show, but I don’t really expect that from the SAGs. It definitely wasn’t as self-serving as it normally is, which was a very nice change of pace.

Animal Kingdom on DVD (1/21)

EW Description: “Most people missed this R-rated Aussie crime drama. Watch it now for Jacki Weaver’s Oscar-worthy turn as a sweet and vicious mother.”

Here’s the story in a nutshell: Boy (J) loses mother to a heroin overdose. Boy goes to live with grandmother (Smurf) and uncles. Uncles are pretty much all criminals. One uncle is in hiding. Boy starts talking with detective possibly getting out of his current situation. Boy eventually goes into witness protection. Boy comes out of witness protection. Uncles keep dying. Boy reunites with family.

There are a couple other twists and turns in there, but I didn’t want to completely ruin the plot for those who have not seen it yet, which is pretty much everyone that doesn’t actively follow the film awards season or smaller movies. That’s not meant as a dig against anyone. It just is a really small movie that hasn’t gained much mainstream attention.

The film isn’t the greatest thing I have ever seen, but some aspects of it are absolutely astounding. The actor who plays J does decent with the role, but I wouldn’t necessarily call it award-winning. Basically, he just has to mumble a lot and seem like he doesn’t trust people. I wasn’t overly impressed with him. The true star of the film is Jacki Weaver as Grandma Smurf. She does fantastic with the double-sided nature of her character. She can go from being a sweet grandmother to pure evil at the drop of a hat. While she probably won’t win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, it is truly a well-deserved nomination.

Outside of Jacki Weaver’s role, there isn’t a whole lot else to say about the film. The story isn’t terribly interesting. There’s nothing that really stands out about the directing. It’s a fairly average movie with one really outstanding performance. It’s worth it to watch and see Weaver do her thing, though.

The King’s Speech (12/17)

In the spirit of yesterday’s Oscar nominations…

EW Description: “Colin Firth’s tour de force performance as a stuttering King George VI on the brink of a world war has been inspiring a lot of praise. And rightly so: It’s a crowning achievement in a royally outstanding film.”

For those of you who do not know what the film is about, I’ll expand a bit further than the typical “King George stutters.” Colin Firth plays King George VI. He begins the movie as Albert “Bertie,” the Duke of York. He has had a severe stuttering problem for nearly his entire life, to the point that public speaking is basically out of the question. Bertie is pretty much resigned to the fact that he’s always going to have a stammer, but his wife Elizabeth (Helena Bonham Carter) is determined to cure him. She takes him to every speech therapist in England. Nothing really works. Then Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush) comes into the picture. Through his unorthodox techniques, Bertie begins to show improvement. Then some stuff goes down (dad dies, brother abdicates, Bertie becomes King George VI) and he basically flips his shit. Then World War II starts and Bertie has to toughen up and lead the country.

Let’s just face it. Colin Firth will win the Oscar for Best Actor. If he doesn’t, there might be a revolt. It would surely be one of the most shocking upsets in recent Oscar history. I just can’t see that happening, and for good reason. Colin Firth is fucking amazing in this role. He not only vocalizes the frustration Bertie feels, but you can see the anguish in his face when he’s stuttering. He perfectly shows how Bertie can fly off the handle at the drop of a hat, but then he instantly pulls it back. He’s not an actor performing a role. He’s living the part. Plus, he’s really adorable when he curses and during one of his therapy sessions, he seems like a person with Tourette’s spouting off every random curse word. I feel like he should have to say “shit and tits” in every movie he’s in from now on. It’s just funny and cute.

While Firth is certainly the star of the show, his supporting cast isn’t exactly blending into the background. As Logue, Geoffrey Rush is absolutely phenomenal. He’s eccentric, but he doesn’t go over the top. It’s a very contained uniqueness. The therapy sessions between Logue and Bertie are without a doubt the best scenes in the film. It’s great to see two actors giving amazing performances in their scenes together. It’s just fun to watch.

Helena Bonham Carter doesn’t necessarily have a lot to do as Elizabeth, but she does great with what she has. Carter plays Elizabeth as a very proper, determined woman, but she definitely has a bit of sass in there. She even made me forget that I normally see her as Bellatrix from Harry Potter. This is honestly the first time I’ve seen Carter act in a film and not be terrified of her.

The script is phenomenal. The first hour felt like it dragged on a little bit, but the second hour passes in a whirlwind and left me wanting more. This could have been a very dry, “inspirational” (in the bad cheesy way) film, but it was so much more than that. Yes, it was inspirational, but in an authentic way. It also had a very dry wit to it, which I greatly appreciated.

Beyond the actors, director Tom Hooper truly made this film the amazing piece of cinema that it is. Hooper knows how to use the camera to enhance the story. He uses close-ups during the therapy sessions so flawlessly that I felt the pain Firth was expressing. He films the microphones and radios in a way that makes them feel as intimidating as Bertie finds them. The camera is almost a character of its own. It’s the narrator, guiding us through Bertie’s feelings and emotions.

Come Oscar night, expect to see The King’s Speech rewarded greatly. If any film can take down The Social Network, this is probably it.

Golden Globes 2011

7:00 It’s starting!

7:03 Oh, Ricky Gervais. How I adore you.

7:05 Who knew Scarlett Johansson was Jewish? And what happened to Christian Bale? A little bit fug. Andrew Garfield = so adorable.

7:07 In one of the least competitive races, Christian Bale wins for Best Supporting Actor.

7:09 So many gray ruffles on that dress, Julie Bowen.

7:10 Best TV Actress – Drama: One of the most underwhelming categories of the night. But the right person definitely won. What I’ve seen of Sons of Anarchy is fantastic because of Katey Sagal.

7:16 That’s a lot of pink and a very odd sleeve set-up, Julianne Moore.

7:18 Carlos wins for Best TV Movie. Makes up for the fact it can’t win Best Foreign Film at the Oscars.

7:20 Nice awkward hair ruffling there, Carlos men.

7:22 Awkward moment of the night. Ricky Gervais calls Bruce Willis “Ashton Kutcher’s dad.”

7:23 Leighton Meester even sounds awkward in real life.

7:24 I just got tingles watching Chris Colfer walk up to the stage. So incredibly happy for him.

7:30 I almost did not recognize Michelle Pfeiffer.

7:31 Excellent recovery there, Eva.

7:32 I feel like the color of the HFPA president’s hair is not found in nature.

7:34 Why does Dexter have a ginger beard?

7:35 Honestly, Steve Buscemi is the most underwhelming part of Boardwalk Empire. This was probably Jon Hamm’s best season on Mad Men. Big mistake, HFPA.

7:37 Very early in the night for Drama. It’s clear the big races are in Comedy this year.

7:38 Boardwalk Empire wins for Best TV Drama, continuing the Golden Globes’ trend of rewarding all things shiny and new.

7:39 Apparently Mark Wahlberg is an EP for Boardwalk Empire. For a second, I thought he just wandered up on the stage.

7:40 Angelina fixing Brad’s tie there was possibly the most human thing I’ve ever seen her do.

7:44 I’m not entirely sure “inspiringly” is a word, but way to go Andrew Garfield.

7:46 Cut the banter, Alec Baldwin and JLo. Y’all are so awkward.

7:47 And this is the only thing Burlesque will win all year.

7:48 Pulling out the mommy card.

7:49 Why do they have to present another award together? Go away, J. Lo.

7:50 Totally agree with this win. The score of The Social Network was absolutely fantastic.

7:55 Justin Bieber can go die in a fire. That’s nice he’s presenting Best Animated Film, though. Accurate for his age.

7:57 Best quote of the night: Toy Story 3 producer to Justin Bieber – “Weren’t you like 1 when the first Toy Story came out?” Also, Toy Story 3 = Schindler’s Toybox (thanks to Lauren for that one).

7:59 Damn. Robert Downey Jr.’s films really do all sound like porn films.

8:01 Did not even recognize Emma Stone. Don’t know how I feel about the blonde hair.

8:02 Robert Downey, Jr. is such a wonderfully dirty man.

8:03 In another of the least competitive races, Annette Bening wins for Best Movie Comedy Actress.

8:04 This acceptance speech is oddly stilted. Annette Bening seems like she’s reading off a teleprompter or something. And I would not have realized that’s how you pronounce Mia W’s last name.

8:10 Of course Sylvester Stallone is presenting The Fighter. And he just looks kind of weird. As Nicole said, he looks tired.

8:11 Tilda Swinton always makes such ugly fashion choices.

8:12 I didn’t particularly enjoy Al Pacino in You Don’t Know Jack. It’s clear he just won this award for being Al Pacino.

8:14 Every time I see Al Pacino speak in real life, I’m reminded why he needs someone to write his script.

8:15 Little Angela Chase is so grown up…and pink. Definitely a well-deserved win. She was fantastic as Temple Grandin.

8:23 Some of these presenters are such obvious rating ploys. What on earth does Zac Efron have to do with The Kids Are All Right? Also, that was the most needlessly dramatic introduction of a film.

8:25 Tina Fey and Steve Carell are just fantastic together.

8:26 AARON SORKIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8:29 Ooh, pretty boys.

8:30 Jane Lynch! Woohoo!

8:36 I care about Best Foreign Film. Even if I did not call it correctly. I figured it would be Javier Bardem’s Biutiful.

8:38 Also, yay for Denmark!

8:39 Oh, Helen Mirren. That dress is not particularly flattering on you.

8:41 Laura Linney wins! Excellent choice. I truly love The Big C.

8:48 JIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m about as excited as Kaley is right now.

8:50 No matter what, Helena Bonham Carter will always be Bellatrix Lestrange to me. And she will always terrify me.

8:51 Melissa Leo is so adorable. so excited for her. She was absolutely fantastic in The Fighter.

8:53 As this speech goes on, I feel like she’s had a little bit to drink tonight.

8:58 Oh Robert De Niro. I’m really glad he’s a man of few words, though, because this award can be a bit tedious at times.

8:59 Please don’t imitate Robert De Niro, Matt Damon. Just go to the clip package, please.

9:03 Did they seriously include Rocky and Bullwinkle in that package and not Meet the Parents? I mean, really? If you’re going to include his comedies, Meet the Parents is probably something he’d rather remember.

9:14 Huh. Megan Fox is a joke of an actress presenting a joke of a film. Fitting.

9:15 David Fincher wins Best Director. This surprises no one.

9:17 Oh January Jones. That is not a flattering dress on you.

9:18 Definitely don’t agree with the win for Glee. It was good in the first 13 episodes, not since then. It should have gone to Modern Family or in a perfect world, Big Bang Theory.

9:24 Black Swan presentation. Oh, how I adore you.

9:25 In another of the nothing categories for the night, Paul Giamatti wins Best Actor in a Comedy Movie. He’s a tiny bit tipsy, I believe.

9:32 Oh Joseph Gordon-Levitt. You can read me the phone book and I’d be in heaven. Just keep speaking to me.

9:33 So well-deserved. Natalie Portman was fantastic.

9:35 I maintain that Natalie Portman is the best-dressed of that night. I absolutely adore her dress.

9:38 It’s Woody and Buzz Lightyear!

9:39 No one surprised by this at all. The Kids Are All Right wins Best Comedy. It was good, but I was pretty underwhelmed by it.

9:46 Oh, Sandra Bullock. She’s so fantastic.

9:48 Colin Firth wins. No one is surprised.

9:54 Michael Douglas. Looking much better after the chemo.

9:55 In a perfect world, Black Swan would win this, but it’s going to be The Social Network.

9:56 Every time I hear The Social Network score, I want to get it more and more.

9:57 No one is really surprised to see The Social Network win. Pretty much everyone we thought was going to win did. No real surprises.

The Bachelor (1/7)

EW Description: “Escape the dating-show doldrums with a curveball: Bachelor Brad Womack who walked away sans fiancee in season 11, is back to prove he’s a changed man who can find love…and take a bitch-slap or two.”

I used to be an obsessive fan of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. I faithfully watched every single week. I kept notes on all of the dates and who got roses or sent home. I would get really attached to some of the women or men and I would bawl my eyes out when they got kicked off the show. Granted, I was also in middle school during this phase. After a couple of seasons, I grew out of my reality TV phase and moved on to scripted TV.

When this show popped up on the Must List, I rolled my eyes. There’s such a thing as a guilty pleasure and then there’s something that just makes me feel guilty when I watch it. I find no pleasure in this show. I’ve watched one episode over about four days because I keep having to walk away from it.

Here’s the basic gist of the episode I watched (which was this Monday’s episode): It’s their first date with Brad. All of the women are in love with him (before they’ve been on a date with him). One woman (Melissa, I believe) keeps talking about how she quit her job and came all this way just for Brad (she didn’t know who the Bachelor was until she got out of the limo).

Two women got one-on-one dates with Brad. For one of them, he took the woman to an abandoned carnival (which almost seemed straight out of a horror movie, but was apparently romantic). He took the other woman to get massages and then gave her a whole bunch of clothes and jewelry. Then they got a private concert from Train at the Hollywood Bowl.

On what planet is that actually a first date? If these people really want to find lasting love, they need to go on a real date. Not some bullshit manufactured Disney princess dream crap. When real life sets in and you can’t take her to get a private concert from a famous band, of course there’s going to be disappointment. None of these people are falling in love with a real person. They’re falling in love with a manufactured image that will never stand up in everyday life. People seem shocked when these relationships don’t work out, but it’s ridiculous to think they would.

Don’t even get me started on the group date (15 women, 1 man) where they did community service for the Red Cross. It’s a noble cause, but they wrote a bunch of nonsensical skits for public service announcements so they could have Brad make out with as many women as possible. Any good intentions they might have had with doing these went out the window when they tried to create all this drama. Also, if I had to hear that one annoying woman complain about how other people were around on her birthday, I was going to throw something at my television.

Also, when you’re throwing around the love word after one date, that’s not love at first sight. Most people would find that disturbing and stalkerish. But here, we’re supposed to celebrate the fact these people think they’ve found love after spending a romantic evening with this person and their camera crew. You have to be shitting me.

Then the last Bachelorette Ali and the “winner”/her “fiance” Roberto came back to judge if these women were here for the “right reasons” or not. None of them are. They’re all here to fulfill their delusions of romantic grandeur. This show does not exist for people who want real love. It exists for pathetic, deluded people who think fairy tales are a legitimate possibility.

If you ever feel any urge to actually watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, resist with all your might. If you really want to know what’s going on (I admit, I still have a bit of morbid curiosity), read the recaps on Television Without Pity. You get all the sarcasm built into it and you don’t have to suffer through the bloated two-hour-long episodes.

When Parents Text website (1/14)

EW Description: “Mom and Dad write the darndest things, especially when the buttons are tiny. Check out this site for a daily dose of hilarity.”

When Parents Text is my new favorite website. Just about every single post makes me laugh and all of them at least bring a smile to my face. I think there’s one simple reason for that. This could be any of our parents. Everyone in our generation has had to deal with their parents asking about some form of technology. We were there as our parents got cell phones. We were there as our parents first signed on to facebook. Then came the horror of texting. I’ve been fortunate enough that my parents absolutely refuse to learn to text. That doesn’t mean I can’t sympathize with the people who post on this website, however.

I really can’t describe what makes this website so hilarious to me. As with all forms of humor, everyone is going to find it funny (or not) for different reasons. I just know that I can relate to this site more than places like textsfromlastnight or fmylife. Check out the site for yourself and tell me what you think.