The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

On a much-needed bestie night outing with the fabulous Caity, we decided to go see The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. It was a Saturday night showing and walking into the theater, we quickly realized we were about 30 years younger than the target demographic for the film. Regardless, it’s full of adorable British people (McGonagall! Dame Judi! Bill Nighy!) and it’s also got the gorgeous Dev Patel (most famous for starring in Slumdog Millionaire). The previews looked hilarious and I love the scenery of India, so it looked incredibly promising.

The plot centers on a group of elderly British people who travel to India to stay at The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel for the Elderly and Beautiful. The run-down hotel is managed by Sonny Kapoor (Dev Patel) who dreams of running a place that is so beautiful the elderly simply refuse to die. Sonny is young and idealistic and just wants to make his elderly guests as happy as possible. The hotel is not quite what the brochures described to his guests (as he tells them, it presents a dream of what the Marigold could be). He convinces his guests to stay and give it a shot, although not all the rooms have doors and the phones are not yet working. When they complain about the hotel, he just tells them, “We have a saying in India: Everything will be alright in the end. So if it not yet alright, it is not yet the end.”

The hotel is populated by seven British guests who are there for various reasons. There is the couple whose marriage is on its last legs. The new widow who has come to India to try to start an independent life and get her first job. The elderly, super racist woman who has come to get a hip replacement and recuperate. The gay man who is returning to India to try and reconnect with an old lover. The horny old man who just wants to get laid. The woman who just wants to find a rich India husband. I will keep the actors separate from the descriptions, so as not to spoil anything too much.

The seven guests make up the primary plot, although Sonny’s story is also extremely prominent. Sonny is the “screw-up” son whose tendency to dream big does not fit in with what his traditional Indian mother wants for him. He wants to marry a young woman named Sunaina that works in a call center, which is not quite the match his mother wanted for him. Sonny’s two older brothers and him each own one-third of the hotel, and when Sonny’s brothers threaten to team up and sell the hotel, one of the guests naturally figures out a way to save it and get the hotel turning a profit.

Obviously, there are a ton of plotlines in this film. Since it comes in right at two hours, none of the plots get too in-depth. As a result, the whole film feels a little bit scattered and one-dimensional. If they had eliminated one or two of the guests, they could have tightened things up and gone more in depth with the most interesting characters. The funniest parts of the movie were, naturally, in the previews. It was not a bad film. It was just average and had the potential to be much better. The cast they assembled was fantastic and deserved better. Of course, the Indian scenery was absolutely beautiful and they could have capitalized on that even more.

Overall, it was a good-enough film, but it had the potential to be great. It just did not quite achieve its potential.

Firefly

When I tell people I have never seen a full episode of Firefly, many of them look at me as if I have just said that I like to kick puppies for fun. It’s not that I wasn’t interested in it. I just had not gotten around to watching it yet. I’ve only been even vaguely interested in anything related to sci-fi since I started college (I thank Fringe for helping me cross over into the genre). Firefly premiered in 2002, so I was in 7th grade at the time. At the time, unless it was on The WB or was CSI, I probably did not watch it. While I have always enjoyed television, I did not really begin to view myself as a connoisseur of it until high school. Although I heard of Firefly much earlier than now, it stayed on my “couldn’t be less interested” list through most of high school, in favor of shows like Gilmore Girls and The OC. By the time I decided I wanted to actually sit down and watch it, I was in college and bogged down with lots of other things. I decided that it was more important to me to catch up on currently-airing shows, so that I would be able to participate in conversations about it.

Obviously, this has been unacceptable to many people around me (*coughmyfianceecough*). As an Arby’s drive-through worker told John today, we obviously can’t get married until I a) watch all of Firefly and b) enjoy it. So, after a slow start to our marathon this morning, we are up to episode 5 of 14. I’m still getting characters straight (even though I pretty much knew every actor that is on it) and trying to figure out exactly what I think of it. Rest assured, friends and Whedon fanatics, I do like it and understand why people are such devoted fans. I just do not yet know if I will end up as one of those devoted fans.

I know how hard it is to hear that someone is just a casual fan of or does not like something that you hold dear. It is exactly how I feel when someone tries to tell me that they like Harry Potter, but could take it or leave it. When someone crosses the line from fan to fanatic, it becomes hard to hear that someone else does not consider it the way of life that you do. There are some things, most particularly Harry Potter, that are the closest I have to a true religion. Whenever I say that, many people call that blasphemous or sacrilegious. However, Harry Potter is what I look to when things are tough and has been there for me through many dark times. I am not a person that seeks solace in traditional religion. Instead, I look to various forms of entertainment, particularly rereading Harry Potter.

So, I know what it is like to be such a devoted fan of something that you cannot possibly understand how anyone could feel differently about it. So far, I definitely am enjoying the show. It has the standard Whedon witty repartee. The characters are intriguing. There are some strong female characters. At this point, I think my favorite character is Kaylee. I love that she comes across as a flighty girly-girl who gushes over pretty dresses, but then turns around and fixes anything that is wrong with the ship and gives older men advice on what different models of ship to buy.

I like Inara’s character, but do get irritated by a lot of the slut-shaming that comes from others, especially Mal. Although she is a strong, independent businesswoman, I would like to think that 500 years from now, no one will care what a woman does with her vagina. I like Zoe and her marriage with Wash. They seem to have a very egalitarian relationship and have fantastic chemistry. Shepherd is also interesting, but I don’t yet feel one way or the other about him.

I enjoy Mal, mainly because Nathan Fillion is awesome. He still has certain characteristics that annoy me, though. He is extremely judgmental and comes across as chauvinistic in some ways.

I love Jayne, though after watching “Chuck,” Adam Baldwin feels like a very one-dimensional actor. Summer Glau and the River Tam storyline very much intrigues me. I normally hate seeing women portrayed as insane or weak and helpless, but I just feel like there has been significant trauma in her life and she is actually exceptionally strong. I like River’s relationship with Simon and think it is always interesting to see a male character in a caretaker role.

After five episodes, I like it, but don’t yet love it. I am remaining open to the possibility of loving it, but also accept that I might not think it is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I just hope the hordes of angry Firefly fanatics will let me live if I don’t join them in their enthusiasm.

Hello again, my old friends

I know, I know. I’ve updated this blog just a handful of times since August. I have no excuses, other than life got in the way. This time last year, I was two days away from leaving the US for the first time. I completely hated my major and was extremely pessimistic about what senior year of college would bring. Well, senior year has come and gone. I found new excitement for my chosen career, thanks to the best social work practicum and now job that I could never have imagined. I’ve walked across that stage and received my diploma (in 12-14 weeks, for now, I’ve got a really fancy folder that contains info about how to join the alumni association). I’ve watched my two best friends from college pack up and leave town for bigger and better things. Meanwhile, I stay here in Columbia, trying to figure out how to exist in a world without school.

That’s been the dream for years. I’ve talked forever about what I would do in a world without homework. In a world without the next paper deadline or final exam. Now, it’s here and I have no earthly idea what to do. Over the past seven years, there have only been two summers where I did not have any form of summer homework or summer classes. Even those two summers, though, I was looking ahead to reading lists and preparing for the upcoming semester. Call me a nerd or a teacher’s pet, but I always legitimately enjoyed school. Even when it stressed me out or was a dull subject, I enjoyed doing the work. My parents had me in Parents as Teachers from six months old and I started doing preschool-type classes at age three. Even before preschool, I wanted to play school and have homework assigned to me. I literally do not know how to exist without the possibility of schoolwork.

Since I walked across that stage nine days ago, I’ve been in this weird sort of shock. I go home from work every day and have nothing else to do with my time. I know the possibilities are endless. I have a whole stack of books I’ve been dying to read. I can bake random things. I have a Groupon for 10 yoga classes. I could finally learn how to play a song on my guitar. I could take up knitting. I could actually clean my room. I could do everything I have talked about doing for years. But every time I open a book or make plans to do something non-school-related, it just feels wrong. The days feel so long now. It’s like I feel lost, but not really. I have a very clear plan for things. I made random tasks for myself, but since I know there’s nothing riding on it, it just feels wrong to do it.

In time, I know, I’ll be longing for days where I have time to read for fun or find new hobbies. I know this seems like the silliest problem to have. It’s not even a problem. It’s a new reality. And I don’t know what to do with it.

Oscars liveblog!

7:21 Everyone’s talking about how grateful they are that Billy Crystal is the host this year. At least we’re not going to have another train wreck like the Hathaway-Franco hosting fiasco of 2011. *shudder* The ceremony is sure to be better this year because I don’t see how it could possibly get any worse…

7:24 Brian Grazer says there’s a Cirque du Soleil piece. Hmmm. I’ll be cautiously optimistic. I’d prefer they scrap the over-the-top, irrelevant musical number and let the Muppets sing their song.

7:30 Morgan Freeman?!?!!? It’s already better than last year! Lovely speech about how important the Oscars are to all of us.

7:31 Billy Crystal montage starts with him spoofing The Artist and refusing to host The Oscars. Then George Clooney kissing Billy to wake him up a la The Descendants. Moneyball spoof about how the writers are all old. Midnight in Paris with Billy getting into the car with Justin Bieber getting him the 18-24 demographic. Yeah, like Bieber even knows who Sammy Davis, Jr. is. And really, why does Billy Crystal think black face is a good idea in 2012? Billy eating Minny’s special chocolate pie from The Help. Bridesmaids diarrhea scene. Hugo scene about how it can’t be a Scorsese movie if no one’s gotten killed yet. Tom Cruise breaks into room and the film strip flies out the window. Ends with Billy flying through a series of scenes on a film strip asking if he should host or not.

7:36 Billy Crystal finally comes out on stage and we all gratefully applaud him for saving us from the horror that would have been an Eddie Murphy-hosted show. A couple jokes about Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close bomb, but we don’t even care. Calls the theater the “Chapter 11 Theater” and talks about how the Oscars breed resentment for lifetimes. References “Field of Dreams” and the way James Earl Jones said “baseball.”

7:38 Ooh, musical number! Ouch for the fat joke about Jonah Hill. Looks like Martin Scorsese brought some kids with him. Adorable. Not the greatest musical number, but it’s Billy Crystal, so it’s automatically better than last year.

7:41 Tom Hanks comes out to present Best Cinematography. Really, dude, you couldn’t have shaved? He points out a man who has been a seat filler for 59 years and is in a lovely powder blue tux. Cinematography goes to Hugo. The cinematographer looks a bit like Dumbledore’s younger hippie brother. He stops to thank Martin Scorsese. Definitely thought it was going to be Tree of Life. I’m thrilled to be wrong.

7:44 Hanks is back to give Best Art Direction. I might rage if this doesn’t go to Harry Potter. The franchise has never won an Oscar for anything and that’s just wrong. Well, only slightly raging. Hugo did have a truly beautiful set. And Dante Ferretti always does a good job. Harry Potter has 2 more chances to win tonight. If it goes away empty handed, then I will truly rage.

7:47 Close up on someone playing the drums in the balcony. Don’t really know what that was. Showed a flashback to Meryl Streep winning the Oscar in 1982 and said to stay tuned to see if she would win again tonight.

7:50 “Tonight, here at the Your Name Here Theater…” Crystal comes out to talk about how the movies have created special memories for everyone. Montage of various movies, including fucking Twilight. Destroy that footage, please. I don’t really know what this montage is supposed to be of, other than movies that have been released in the past 80 years. Is this supposed to distract us from the fact that the movies nominated this year weren’t very good?

7:53 Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez come out to present Best Costume Design. They introduce the nominees by talking about the individual costume designers rather than just running through the names. I like it. Award goes to The Artist. I’m 0-3 so far tonight. This is going to be bad. Wow.

7:56 Diaz and Lopez stick around for Best Makeup. So help me if Harry Potter doesn’t win this. Diaz and Lopez look over their shoulders and show us their butts as they give the award. It was as awkward as it sounds. The award disgustingly goes to The Iron Lady. Harry Potter will never be honored for its amazing make-up work. I’m about to rage. So absolutely disgusting.

8:00 Various actors talk about how movies were a huge part of their childhoods. Morgan Freeman’s first movie was King Kong. Brad Pitt really loved a movie called The Gargantuans. Adam Sandler saw Diamonds Are Forever when he was 5 and decided he wanted to be an actor. The announcer tells us that a baseball movie has never won Best Picture and Moneyball is the first one nominated since Field of Dreams in 1989. That seems kind of random. There aren’t necessarily a ton of really fantastic baseball movies. Didn’t really think of it as a separate genre, but okay.

8:05 Sandra Bullock comes out to present Best Foreign Language Film and presents the award in “Mandarin Chinese with a slight German accent.” Was definitely expecting more of a trainwreck, but she just presented it in German. Surprising no one, the award goes A Separation. It’s the first film from Iran to win this category. Director comes up to talk about how politics has destroyed Iran’s image and he wants to celebrate the rich Iranian culture. Nice speech. I liked it.

8:09 Billy Crystal makes a great slam against the Republican presidential nominees. Christian Bale comes out to present Best Supporting Actress as Billy reminds us to be careful if we’re in his eyeline. Surprising no one, Octavia Spencer wins for The Help. Her date has to lift her out of her seat. She is absolutely in shock. Standing ovation from everyone in the theater. She is in tears. I’m so happy for her right now. She just thanked the entire state of Alabama and all her various families. I love when they’re genuinely blown away by winning. It’s so much more satisfying.

8:18 Billy Crystal talks about how he wanted to hug the first Black woman he saw after walking out of The Help and it was about a 45-minute drive from Beverly Hills. Now, we’ve moved on to a brief history of the use of focus groups. We get to see a skit about a fake focus group for The Wizard of Oz featuring the cast of nearly every Christopher Guest movie ever. Fred Willard really loved the flying monkeys. Jennifer Coolidge doesn’t like how many ugly people were in it. For a show that’s already running long, that was pretty much unnecessary and not that funny.

8:22 Billy Crystal thanks everyone who was in his opening montage and the Christopher Guest skit. Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper come out to present Best Film Editing. Can Tina Fey please host next year? Pretty please? She presents every year and is always hilarious. So far, Cinematography is the only one where the nominees didn’t get more of an introduction than just their name. Editing goes to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Well-deserved win. Super happy about this one. The two editors talk about who all is missing from up there. They point out Rooney Mara as “the Roons,” which is freaking adorable.

8:25 Fey and Cooper stick around for Best Sound Editing. These nominees just get their names read. The winner is Hugo. Super happy about all the love for Hugo tonight. Totally didn’t expect it, but I’m super happy about it. One of the sound editors thanks everyone who was ever born or may be born. He says if he forgot anybody, then they know who they are.

8:27 Apparently, Tina and Bradley are presenting all the rest of the awards tonight. Next up is Best Sound Mixing. Expecting Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but Hugo is proving to be the big winner tonight and takes another one. Not going to complain about that at all. Very touching, short acceptance speech. They haven’t had to play anybody off yet. Kind of shocking.

8:34 Kermit and Miss Piggy are sitting in the balcony and banter about their first movie experience and how far away they are from the stage. They introduce Cirque du Soleil. Having the Muppets introduce this just reminds us all that they won’t let the Muppets sing Man or Muppet on the telecast. Harsh. Taking this opportunity to update my Oscar spreadsheet while people on wires fly around a stage. Their experience of going to the movies is much more active and seems like they’re on far more drugs than I am.

8:39 Billy Crystal says he pulled a hamstring just watching Cirque du Soleil and we’re one magician away from a bar mitzvah. Crystal points out Christopher Plummer and Max von Sydow and makes a couple of elderly person jokes. Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Downey, Jr. come out after Downey takes a chance to Tebow backstage and joke about how he’s filming a documentary called The Presenter. Really awkward banter. Can we just present the award already? Finally, they move on to present Best Documentary Feature to Undefeated. I was expecting it to be Paradise Lost 3. Interesting, but Mizzou connection, so yay! The producers/directors come up and apologize for calling their friend an idiot for saying they would be at the Oscars this year. First people to get played off and then just have the mic completely turned off.

8:44 Chris Rock comes out to present Best Animated Feature and talks about how people can play whatever character they want in animation. He then talks about how easy it is to work on an animated film as a voice actor. Moves on from his rant to give the award to Rango.

8:51 Billy Crystal bit with Melissa McCarthy. Not really that funny, unfortunately. Ben Stiller and Emma Stone come out to present Best Visual Effects. Emma Stone is acting like she’s kind of drunk. I kind of love her. Even though this is super awkward, I really love Emma Stone. Jonah Hill shuts down the possibility of dancing with Emma. Super funny. Last chance for Harry Potter to win an Oscar in any category. If my throat didn’t hurt, I would threaten to scream if it doesn’t win. I’m setting myself up for disappointment, though. And the Oscars continues to disappoint, even though I loved Hugo. Harry Potter will end its 11-year run with absolutely no Oscars. That’s absolutely atrocious. I’m just happy Rise of the Planet of the Apes didn’t win because I didn’t want to have to watch it.

8:57 Billy Crystal mentions Harry Potter and makes a Mitt Romney joke. At least someone will acknowledge that this amazing franchise ended this year.

8:58 Melissa Leo comes out to present Best Supporting Actor as photos of her from The Fighter are shown on the screen behind her. Did I miss them doing that for Christian Bale? It seemed to last a really long time for Leo. Best Supporting Actor goes to Christopher Plummer for Beginners. First ever win for Plummer and sets a record for oldest Oscar winner ever. Oh, Captain Von Trapp. He makes a joke about how the Oscar is only two years older than him and asks where he’s been all his life. Plummer thanks all his fellow nominees and everyone who worked on Beginners. He said he would gladly share his award if he had any decency, but he doesn’t. I haven’t seen Beginners yet, but I’m okay with Plummer winning this as a lifetime achievement award. He was in my favorite movie of all time and his daughter has the same name as me. He thanks his wife and says she deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. Really precious acceptance speech. Loved it.

9:03 Announcer asks if this will be Martin Scorsese’s year again. At this rate, I think it very well could be.

9:08 Billy Crystal makes a joke about how the average age of Oscar winners has now jumped up to 67. Now for a bit about how Billy Crystal can read the minds of people in the audience. Expected jokes about Pitt having a bazillion kids. Uggie (the dog from The Artist) is in the audience with a bowtie!!!!! So cute!

9:10 Academy president comes out to remind us that the Oscars is the highlight of everyone’s year. I don’t know about that. They randomly did a close-up of some random kid in the audience. He reminds us all how much we love the movies. Billy Crystal thanks him for whipping the crowd into a frenzy and calls him Mr. Excitement.

9:11 A giant thing of sheet music comes out of the bottom of the stage. For as long as that took, I was expecting someone to be standing on the bottom of it. But no. Penelope Cruz and Owen Wilson come out to present Best Original Score. Really hope blind people don’t want to know the names or movies associated with the nominees, because they’re just showing them on screen and not actually saying them. The winner is Ludovic Bource for The Artist. Please don’t let Kim Novak come out with another statement about how she feels like she was raped because he borrowed from Vertigo. I’ve already got enough problems with Billy Crystal’s randomly racist comments tonight. Ludovic Bource asks us to accept him because he has so much love to give. Adorable.

9:16 Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis come out in white tuxes with cymbals and bang them in Brad Pitt’s face before walking up on stage. They show both nominees for Best Original Song. The winner is Man or Muppet for The Muppets. Yay for a win for Flight of the Conchords. This almost makes up for the fact that they didn’t allow the Muppets to perform their song tonight. Okay, seriously, can they get someone to fix the mic pretty please? Jason Segel gives an impassioned round of applause when Bret McKenzie mentions Jim Henson. His love for the Muppets is so endearing.

9:20 We randomly see a bunch of women in stereotypical stewardess clothes handing out some popcorn. The announcer asks if Kristen Wiig will become the first SNL cast member to win an Oscar. Probably not, but we can dream.

9:24 Billy Crystal randomly asks why everyone in the front row doesn’t chip in to buy the Dodgers. He then completely flubs his introduction of Angelina Jolie and pretends to rewind himself. Jolie comes out to present Best Adapted Screenplay and take advantage of the slit in her dress by sticking her leg out and reminding us that she’s really freaking hot. The Oscar goes to The Descendants! Yay for Dean Pelton! Community love! Jim Rash stands on stage with his leg cocked out like Angelina Jolie was. Oh, Dean Pelton. You’re the best.

9:28 Angelina Jolie sticks around to present Best Original Screenplay. The award goes to Woody Allen for Midnight in Paris, surprising no one. As usual, Woody Allen didn’t show up for the ceremony, so no acceptance speech.

9:30 Lots of actors are interviewed about what makes a great movie. Morgan Freeman loves The Outlaw Josey Wales. Reese Witherspoon loves Overboard. Gabourey Sidibe really loved Daniel Day-Lewis in My Left Foot. And now for more close-ups of the musicians who I really feel like I should know at this point. We watch a couple short film producers find out that they were nominated for an Oscar and are told to tune in to find out if they win. I guess this will make us care more about the short film categories?

9:37 Milla Jovovich comes out to make us care about the Scientific and Technical Achievement Oscars.

9:38 Billy, you’ve already got people pissed at you for racism tonight. Let’s not piss off the feminists, too. And can we talk about how Bridesmaids was much more than women pooping in a sink? Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph make some great references to film length and how long doesn’t necessarily equal satisfying. I really loved Bridesmaids, so I loved that intro. Best Live Action Short goes to The Shore. I actually somehow picked that one. Woohoo! Adorable father/daughter speech.

9:41 Rose Byrne and Melissa McCarthy present Best Documentary Short. Someone yells out Scorsese and they both pull out tiny glasses of alcohol to take a drink. Martin Scorsese looks confused. The Oscar goes to Saving Face. They pan to the very back of the auditorium where the winners are trying to make their way to the front. Apparently, “the Pakistani on stage” needs to speak. Can we just refer to her by name? That seemed weird. Just let her talk, especially since she has a really great message about having Pakistani women never give up on their dreams.

9:44 Ellie Kemper and the other Bridesmaid whose name I can’t remember present Best Animated Short and say that every nominee has the chance to live up to previous winner John Lasseter (who went on to create Pixar), but no pressure. The winner is The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore. The winners describe themselves as “two swamp rats from Louisiana” and say the movies are part of their DNA. I love the winners from the smaller categories because they’re not jaded about everything yet. The guy in the fedora and glasses is SUPER excited.

9:46 Do these waitresses really have to wear such skimpy dresses? I’m not a fan. Is it really so hard to show respect for women?

9:50 Billy Crystal makes a joke about Michael Douglas occupying Wall Street before it was cool. Douglas comes out to present Best Director. An actor from each of the movies nominated is interviewed about how great the director is. Michel Hazanavicius wins for The Artist. I thought Scorsese might sneak in there and get it, but The Artist was really fantastic as well. Hazanavicius thanks Uggie the dog and says he’s not that good. Can Uggie host the Oscars next year, please? I’m totally cool with an adorable puppy hosting an awards show. No awkward banter, just adorableness.

9:55 Billy Crystal comes out and makes jokes about how Meryl Streep has been nominated so many times, but has only won twice. She comes out show a montage of the Governors Awards, which were given to Oprah, James Earl Jones, and Dick Smith (a make-up artist). Smith and Jones get honorary Oscars, while Oprah gets a humanitarian award. The three are in their own private box at the back of the theater and everyone turns around to applaud them.

10:03 Time for the In Memoriam montage. Apparently, there was one producer who Billy Crystal was super close to that died this year. Some woman with a giant ‘fro comes out to sing What a Wonderful World as the montage plays. Super classy In Memoriam montage. Loved it.

10:11 Various actors talk about how performing and acting is something they love. Jonah Hill explains why people who make movies are weird. De Niro talks about how people don’t understand the misery that people who make movies go through.

10:13 Natalie Portman comes out to present Best Actor. Rather than having five people on stage introducing each nominee and talking about how fantastic they are, Portman does it all. Portman reminds us that it’s Sirius Black’s first nomination. Guessing Harry Potter won’t be getting any love in this category, either. Dujardin takes it for The Artist. Was definitely expecting George Clooney to take it, but Dujardin was absolutely phenomenal. Dujardin gives a brief history of the first Oscar ceremony. Jean Dujardin’s wife is so happy for him and it’s absolutely adorable. He is so truly enthusiastic about winning. Love it.

10:23 Billy Crystal says they must be going nuts in France right now, “or whatever the French have in place of joy.” Colin Firth comes out to present Best Actress. Oh, Colin. I thought you and Meryl agreed to never mention Mamma Mia again. We had tried so hard to forget that ever happened. Meryl Streep wins for The Iron Lady. Look, I absolutely hated The Help, but Viola Davis did amazing in that movie. Just because Streep hasn’t won in a while, it doesn’t mean she’s automatically entitled to win. She’s an amazing actress, but it doesn’t mean she has to win every now and then.

10:32 Billy Crystal presents Tom Cruise who presents Best Picture. Apparently, his entire career “has been about making the impossible possible.” He gives a touching speech about why people love movies. I’d consider it a lot more endearing if it weren’t coming from Tom Cruise. Surprising no one, The Artist wins Best Picture of the Year. Uggie gets to come up on stage, too! That’s the best moment of the night for me. Thomas Langmann comes up to accept the award with everyone from the movie behind him. Well, it wouldn’t have been my pick, but I didn’t hate it. Langmann gives his award to Hazanavicius. Dude, he’s already got one, you get to keep yours. Hazanavicius gives a heartfelt thank you to his partner, Berenice Bejo. And that’s about it for tonight. Pretty much underwhelming, but the ceremony typically is. It’s the race to the Oscars that is more fun.

Oscar Predictions

Just over an hour until the show. Time to make my official predictions!

Best Actor:
Will Win: George Clooney, The Descendants
Should Win: George Clooney, The Descendants

Best Supporting Actor:
Will Win: Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Should Win: Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn

Best Actress:
Will Win: Viola Davis, The Help
Should Win: Viola Davis, The Help

Best Supporting Actress:
Will Win: Octavia Spencer, The Help
Should Win: Octavia Spencer, The Help

Best Animated Film:
Will Win: Rango
Should Win: I honestly don’t even care…

Best Art Direction:
Will Win: The Artist
Should Win: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

Best Cinematography:
Will Win: The Tree of Life
Should Win: The Tree of Life

Best Costume Design:
Will Win: Jane Eyre
Should Win: The Artist

Best Director:
Will Win: Martin Scorsese, Hugo
Should Win: Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Best Documentary:
Will Win: Paradise Lost 3
Should Win: I don’t even know

Totally skipping over the shorts because I don’t care about them.

Best Film Editing:
Will Win: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Should Win: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Best Foreign Language Film:
Will Win: A Separation
Should Win: A Separation

Best Makeup:
Will Win: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2
Should Win: Harry Potter

Best Musical Score:
Will Win: War Horse
Should Win: Hugo

Best Original Song:
Will Win: Man or Muppet, The Muppets
Should Win: Man or Muppet

Best Sound Editing:
Will Win: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Should Win: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Best Sound Mixing:
Will Win: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Should Win: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Best Visual Effects:
Will Win: Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Should Win: Harry Potter

Best Adapted Screenplay
Will Win: The Descendants
Should Win: The Descendants

Best Original Screenplay
Will Win: Midnight in Paris
Should Win: Bridesmaids

And finally, Best Picture
Will Win: The Artist
Should Win: Midnight in Paris

Golden Globes liveblog!

7:00 Oh, Ricky Gervais. What on earth are you wearing? “No profanity: that’s fine, I’ve got a huge vocabulary.” It’s really clear that they’ve toned down Ricky Gervais from last year. Though the dig at Justin Bieber was pretty good. “No, he’s not the father. The only way he could impregnate anyone is if he borrowed one of Martha Stewart’s turkey basters.”

7:07 Even Johnny Depp admits he hasn’t seen “The Tourist.” First sneak peek at the Best Motion Picture – Drama nominees is Hugo. This will be fun trying to figure out why certain people are presenting these films. Don’t see the Johnny Depp to Hugo connection yet.

7:08 Gerard Butler and Mila Kunis present Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture. Christopher Plummer wins for “Beginners.” I can always count on the old people for adorable acceptance speeches.

7:12 Ashton Kutcher and Elle MacPherson present Best Actress on TV in Comedy/Musical. Elle’s dress is weird-looking. She’s got weird wing things on her boobs. Amy Poehler thoroughly eyefucks the camera. Laura Dern wins for “Enlightened.” I can’t remember if it’s been canceled, but if it hasn’t, maybe someone will watch this show now…other than the Hollywood Foreign Press apparently. Had no idea Laura Dern’s mom is Diane Ladd. Nice. She gives shoutouts to Lucille Ball and Frank Capra. At least she has awesome inspirations. UPDATE: Enlightened was renewed. Maybe this will get people to watch it?

7:19 Rob Lowe and Julianne Moore introduce Miss Golden Globe. Super awkward pause as the teleprompter freezes and someone brings Julianne Moore a script. Andie MacDowell’s daughter got recruited as this year’s Bring Your Daughter to an Awards Show person. Best Miniseries time. Golden Globe goes to Downton Abbey. Get ready for a sweep for Downton Abbey in the Miniseries categories tonight. People freaking love it. Adorable British people give adorable acceptance speech. We got distracted when our icemaker started working again.

7:23 Rob Low and Julianne Moore come back to present Best Actress in a Miniseries. Kate Winslet wins for Mildred Pierce! This surprises absolutely no one. She didn’t have very steep competition. Sorry, Diane Lane. Kate Winslet is always so dignified and gracious. I’m pretty much in love with her. No lie. Finally starting with the play-off music.

7:26 Frieda Pinto comes out to show a preview of Midnight in Paris. I’m thinking it’s the Oscars that tries to come up with connections to the movie. Golden Globes just gets random people to present the films.

7:27 Okay, I want to watch what happens at the awards during the commercial break, especially as the attendees get progressively drunker. That would be a super entertaining show. Can we make this happen?

7:32 Obligatory message from the Hollywood Foreign Press Association as we pretend to actually care about who brings these awards to us every year. Granted, they do a lot of philanthropic work, but no one will remember that after this speech. Sorry, y’all.

7:33 Jake Gyllenhaal comes out to present a preview for My Week With Marilyn. Rant time: Why on earth is this in the Comedy or Musical category? It’s extremely dramatic and there is almost no music in it! Sometimes, I understand their reasoning, but this makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!

7:34 Ricky Gervais asks for short speeches. “You don’t have to thank members of your family who have done absolutely nothing.” Obligatory atheist dig at God. Melissa McCarthy and Paula Patton come out to present Best Actor in a TV Series – Drama. Paula is wearing a very yellow dress. I can’t decide how I feel about it. Kelsey Grammer wins for Boss. The HFPA loves to pretend like it’s super trendy and Boss is very trendy, but no one watches it.

7:37 McCarthy and Patton stick around to present Best TV Series – Drama. Homeland wins. If Game of Thrones had ended after Homeland, it would have been GoT. The HFPA has such a short-term memory, though, and all anyone can talk about is how good Homeland is. Game of Thrones lost out by ending during the summer. The others didn’t have a shot. Massive cast gets on stage. Pretty sure it’ll take longer for all of them to get up there than they’ll be able to talk. Amy Poehler found something about Les Moonves super funny. Don’t know why this guy thanked Moonves. Does CBS own Showtime?

7:44 Jimmy Fallon and Adam Levine come out and pull their best “moves like Jagger.” Fallon goes on to spaz and act weird. I love Jimmy Fallon, but that was just awkward. They present Best Original Score to Ludovic Bource for The Artist. Be prepared for The Artist to sweep tonight as well. Bource apologizes for being French. He talks about how music is universal. This guy is adorbs.

7:48 Fallon and Levine stick around to present Best Original Song. Thought it would be Glenn Close, but they decided to pick Madonna instead. Oh well, this will be the only win for WE. I still don’t know why Madonna tries to have a really pretentious British accent sometimes. You’re not fooling anyone. Story about how Madonna had to be coerced into writing a song for her movie. None of us buy that. Also, that dress must be cutting off circulation to your boobs.

7:52 Unknown Turkish film person comes out to say hey to her peeps in Turkey. Then she leaves. Well, that was weird.

7:57 Debra Messing and Katharine McPhee come out to pimp their show and talk about how Best Actor in a Miniseries is one of the most prestigious awards ever. Weird. Idris Elba wins for Luther. Adorbs British accent. Super sexy. And he gives a shoutout to his daughter who is having a Golden Globe party. Adorable.

7:59 Brad Pitt comes out to present Ides of March. Want to see this so badly. Ryan Gosling is beautiful. As per us.

8:00 Seth Rogen and Kate Beckinsale come out to present Best Actress in a Movie – Comedy or Musical. Jodie Foster brought her kids. How cute. Michelle Williams wins for the “hysterical comedy” My Week With Marilyn. Thank you, Seth Rogen, for pointing this out to us. Michelle Williams thanks her daughter. She points out that Marilyn Monroe won the same award she just did. She seems so flustered and adorbs. She’s come so far since the days of Dawson’s Creek.

8:08 Sarah Michelle Gellar and Piper Perabo come out to present Best Supporting Actor on TV. Perabo’s dress is hiding some people in it. No joke. That thing is huge. Jesse Tyler Ferguson holds up a sign that says “whatever” over Eric Stonestreet’s shoulder. Peter Dinklage wins, which shocks no one. He talks about how his mom thought Guy Pearce would win in this category instead. He could hide in Piper Perabo’s skirt easily.

8:10 Ricky Gervais talks about how last year’s audience had “a right stick up their ass.” He introduces George Clooney and says if he gets any more popular or handsome, he’ll be hosting the show next year. Clooney stole Brad Pitt’s cane and comes out to present Moneyball.

8:13 Channing Tatum and Jessica Alba come out to present Best Animated Feature Film. The Adventures of Tintin wins, upsetting the streak that Rango has been having in this category. We decide Steven Spielberg probably has a shed devoted to the Golden Globes.

8:20 Ewan McGregor comes out to present a preview for 50/50. He gives a shoutout to Christopher Plummer and says “good job, Pops.”

8:21 Nicole Kidman and Clive Owen (?) come out to present Best Screenplay. Woody Allen wins for Midnight in Paris. Nicole Kidman decides that Woody Allen would want to say thanks.

8:23 Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy come out to present Best Supporting Actress on TV, all in song. Adorbs. Jessica Lange wins for American Horror Story. She was definitely the best actor on that show. Sorry, Jessica Lange, but your dress is super fug. Jessica Lange thanks the people who worked on her show. Producers do a close-up on Meryl Streep, for some inexplicable reason. Lange goes on to call many writers in Hollywood talentless hacks, but she does it in a super classy way.

8:28 So, there’s this one commercial for McDonald’s that can’t decide which dimension it wants to be in and it just switches rapidly between dimensions. I feel it needs a warning for people who are epileptic.

8:30 Ricky Gervais has moved on to wine. He introduces Madonna by saying she’s “just like a virgin.” Madonna then says Ricky should come over and do something about that. Ricky then runs across the back of the stage. Funniest moment of the night so far. Madonna says she grew up watching foreign films and there’s nothing foreign about them to her. I call bullshit on her pretentiousness. Angelina Jolie loses to Iran for “A Separation.” Also, Christian Bale is in the film from China. Iranian guy gives a very touching acceptance speech while another guy stands next to him with his arms crossed and looks super pissed off.

8:34 Aw, Dustin Hoffman! He gives a thank you speech before going on to announce nominations for Best Actress on TV – Drama. Claire Danes wins for Homeland, which shocks absolutely no one. She comes out from the back way for some weird reason. She winks and points at her table. She thanks her parents because she forgot to thank them when she won back in 1995 for My So-Called Life. Her mom is apparently her date. Adorbs. She thanks her gorgeous husband, Hugh Dancy. And here comes the playoff music.

8:38 Accountants come out to strike a pose with the envelope for Best Actor in a Comedy/Musical – TV. Close-up on the female accountant’s boobs. The envelope is front of them, but it’s still awkward.

8:42 Emily Blunt comes out to present the preview for Bridesmaids, the funniest movie of the past year. Apparently, all anyone can talk about is that “women can finally poop their pants.”

8:43 Tina Fey and Jane Lynch come out to present Best Actor on TV in a Comedy/Musical. They have the best banter ever. Matt LeBlanc wins for Episodes. Apparently, the HFPA decides that since Alec Baldwin refuses to show up anymore, they’ll give it to someone else. If only it could have been Johnny Galecki. Alas. Matt LeBlanc is pretty freaking awesome, though.

8:46 Bradley Cooper comes out to present Best Supporting Actress in a Movie. Octavia Spencer wins for The Help. So well-deserved. I may have hated that movie, but she was truly fantastic. Maya Rudolph gives her a standing ovation. Everyone wants to kiss her on the way up. They play the super inspirational song from The Help. Everyone in that room loves her. Seriously. Melissa McCarthy is in tears. Octavia is crying as she quotes MLK. I love when people are legitimately blown away by their wins. She is so flustered and is just absolutely endearing. Fun fact: The Help is at Table 10 tonight.

8:52 Apparently, the Golden Globes are tweeting the winners before they’re announced on TV. Nice one, y’all.

8:54 Reese Witherspoon comes out to present the clip of The Descendants. Y’all, Reese looks super hot tonight. And she’s apparently friends with the director, Alexander Payne.

8:55 Sidney Poitier comes out to present the Cecil B. DeMille Award to Morgan Freeman. Everyone gives him a standing ovation. He begins talking about how kickass Morgan Freeman is and how he becomes every character he plays. Shoutouts to Spencer Tracy, Laurence Olivier, and others. Morgan Freeman looks like he’s about to cry. Poitier says Freeman is a prince in the profession he has chosen. Helen Mirren comes out and says she’s had a couple glasses of wine, but she has a bone to pick with Morgan Freeman because she’s only been in one film with him. It goes on a bit long, but it’s Helen Mirren so we’re okay with it. And here comes the retrospective of films. Damn, this man has been in some amazing movies over time.

9:00 Best part of that retrospective: the clip from Electric Company where he’s bathing in a casket. And according to IMDB, his first role was as an uncredited man on the street in The Pawnbroker in 1964.

9:03 Morgan Freeman comes up and says he absolutely loves Helen Mirren. He said that after working with her on Red and watching her handle a gun, he knows he never wants to piss her off. He also says he will call his award the Sidney Poitier Award. He talks about how he got to make movies with people he admires and that he’s had so much fun. Then he randomly says hey to Elton John. Oh, Morgan Freeman. You’re so fantastic.

9:07 Fun fact: Morgan Freeman’s first credited role was in a 1971 film called “Who Says You Can’t Ride a Rainbow.” He played a character named Afro.

9:10 Robert Downey, Jr. comes out in a tux with tails. He introduces the preview of The Artist.

9:12 Angelina Jolie comes out to introduce Best Director. Martin Scorsese wins for Hugo. Definitely thought it was going to be Michel Hazanavicius. Scorsese gives a shoutout to the HFPA for their work in film preservation. He gives a shoutout to his wife who gave him the book Hugo is based on and encouraged him to make a film his 12-year-old daughter could actually see. Ben Kingsley waves from the back. Scorsese leaves out Chloe Grace Moretz, which makes me sad.

9:15 Ricky Gervais is back with another glass of wine. He introduces Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas. They bleep Ricky Gervais and then Antonio Banderas starts yelling in Spanish. If he’s saying something bad, the censors don’t know it. They go on to give Best TV Comedy to Modern Family. The kids all run up from the back. Sofia Vergara starts yelling in Spanish. She’s either really silly or she is absolutely smashed right now. Best acceptance speech ever. Sofia Vergara gives the actual acceptance speech in Spanish and Steven Levitan (I think) translates it, but turns it into a speech about how the writers are the best lovers Sofia has had and all film actresses need to give them their numbers. Freaking awesome.

9:23 Michelle Pfeiffer comes out. Her face does not look real anymore. She goes on to show the preview for War Horse.

9:24 What is Jessica Biel wearing and why does she have three boobs all of a sudden? Her and Mark Wahlberg present Best Actor in a Movie – Comedy/Musical to Jean Dujardin for The Artist. Dujardin mentions that he is French, too. Nice callback to Ludovic Bource’s speech earlier. Dujardin tells how he was told that he would never do movies because his face is too expressive. Apparently, his eyebrows think independently. That man is freaking adorable.

9:31 Queen Latifah (from “Joyful Noise,” which she has to pretend is a good movie right now) comes out to introduce The Help.

9:33 Ricky Gervais has ditched his ugly jacket. He introduces Colin Firth and acts super jealous of him. According to Gervais, Colin Firth is super racist and has punched a blind kitten. Firth makes a dig back at Gervais and goes on to introduce the nominees for Best Actress – Drama. Meryl Streep wins for The Iron Lady. Everyone gives her a standing ovation. She acts like she’s surprised to win and says she only got to play Margaret Thatcher after Ricky Gervais’s deal fell through. They bleep Meryl Streep. Pretty sure that’s not allowed. Someone is passing her glasses up from the back. And Meryl is just naming off random actresses now. Meryl just called Harvey Weinstein God. She’ll probably get some crap for that tomorrow. They start to play her off, but she says no and they stop for a second. That’s how famous Meryl Streep is, y’all.

9:39 Jane Fonda comes out to present Best Movie – Comedy/Musical. In a move that surprises absolutely no one, The Artist wins. Even the dog is there! People get distracted from the producer’s speech by the dog’s adorableness. Also, Jean Dujardin’s wife is totally recording the entire ceremony on her cameraphone. So adorbs. The dog is totally begging for a treat. So cute. Another producer tries to say something, but they are actually pulling the mic back into the stage. Damn.

9:47 Ricky Gervais introduces Natalie Portman and talks about putting her family first this year led her to not be nominated for anything. She presents Best Actor in a Drama to George Clooney for The Descendants. Where the fuck is Ryan Gosling? Why isn’t he there? I want to see his beautiful, feminist-loving face and body in a tux tonight. George Clooney is his standard, adorable self.

9:54 Harrison Ford comes out to present Best Picture – Drama. They barely even show his face before they start showing the nominees. The Descendants wins. One of the producers comes up and says they’ve been told to hurry, so they rush through the acceptance speech as much as possible. Alexander Payne starts talking. Play-off music starts up.

9:57 Ricky Gervais comes back to close out the show. Perfect summary of the evening, “I hope you’ve enjoyed your goodie bags, the champagne, the gold. I hope it took your mind off the recession.” They end with a close-up of the crystal chandelier. Nice.

9:59 Final score. 15 for 25. Was hoping for closer to 70 or 75%, but at least I finished above 50%. Hope y’all haven’t been too bored by my ramblings. See ya for the Oscars.

Golden Globes Predictions!

Best Motion Picture – Drama: The Help

Best Actress – Drama: Meryl Streep (The Iron Lady)

Best Actor – Drama: George Clooney (The Descendants)

Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical: The Artist

Best Actress – Comedy or Musical: Michelle Williams (My Week With Marilyn)

Best Actor – Comedy or Musical: Jean Dujardin (The Artist)

Best Animated Feature: Rango

Best Foreign Language Film: In the Land of Blood and Honey

Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer (The Help)

Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer (Beginners)

Best Director: Michel Hazanavicius (The Artist)

Best Screenplay: Aaron Sorkin & Steven Zallian (Moneyball)

Best Original Score: The Artist (Ludovic Bource)

Best Original Song: “Lay Your Head Down” (Albert Nobbs)

Best TV Series – Drama: Homeland

Best Actress – Drama: Claire Danes (Homeland)

Best Actor – Drama: Kelsey Grammer (Boss)

Best TV Series – Comedy or Musical: New Girl

Best Actress – Comedy or Musical: Zooey Deschanel (New Girl)

Best Actor – Comedy or Musical: Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)

Best Miniseries: Downton Abbey

Best Actress – Miniseries: Kate Winslet (Mildred Pierce)

Best Actor – Miniseries: Hugh Bonneville (Downton Abbey)

Best Supporting Actress on TV: Jessica Lange (American Horror Story)

Best Supporting Actor on TV: Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones)

 

Instead of a liveblog this year, I’ll be livetweeting. Follow @amandawysocki for up-to-the-minute tweets. Tomorrow, I’ll expand on the tweets in a blog post recapping the awards!

The Secret Circle

Here is the main thing I have learned from supernatural TV shows. I clearly need to move to a small town if I ever want to meet a vampire, witch, or werewolf.

The Secret Circle is yet another supernatural teen drama, which seems to be what The CW now specializes in. Its premiere held 100% of The Vampire Diaries’ viewership, which is basically unheard of.

Here’s the gist of the show: Cassie Blake (Britt Robertson of Life Unexpected) is a 16-year-old girl who has to move in with her grandmother (Ashley Crow, a.k.a. Claire’s mom on Heroes) in a small town in Washington. Cassie’s mom just died in a house explosion and Cassie is devastated. When she moves to Chance Harbor, everyone knows who she is and is very excited to meet her. It’s almost reminiscent of Twilight when everyone is instantly in love with Bella Swan. Except Cassie isn’t quite as boring of a character. She’s got more spunk.

So, there are five teenagers in particular we meet in the first episode. There’s Nick, the creepy guy who lives next door to Cassie and somehow opens her curtains even after she shut them. Diana, the nice girl who instantly wants to be Cassie’s bestie. Adam, the potential love interest for Cassie, but feels conflicted because he’s dating Diana. Faye, who is described as the “resident bad girl.” This is made even more clear when she walks in slow motion while “bad girl music” plays. It’s as cheesy as it sounds. And Phoebe, who is given little to do except be Faye’s lackey.

Then there are the adults. Cassie’s grandma, of course, seems like the traditional, awesome grandmother typically portrayed on these shows. Faye’s mother is the school principal and seems to be drastically different from her bad-girl daughter. In the last scenes, however, it becomes apparent that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Diana’s dad is super creepy and it’s basically shown that he killed Cassie’s mom. Then there’s Adam’s dad, who owns the Boathouse (the hang-out spot in Chance Harbor) and is a drunk who likes to talk a lot about fate. He also tells Cassie that he loved her mom and that he thinks her and Adam are destined to be together.

Those are all the major characters. Now, on to the plot.

The show opens with Cassie getting a flat tire and talking to her mom on the phone. After she hangs up the phone, Cassie’s house mysteriously bursts into flames and her mother dies in the fire. Cut to Cassie moving in with her grandma. When she starts school the next day, everyone seems to know who she is and wants to tell her how pretty she is. Seriously, nearly every character mentions it. Mysterious things seem to happen, like Cassie’s combination lock mysteriously opening and her curtains coming open after she shuts them.

After her first day of school, Diana invites her to the Boathouse. Faye corners Cassie and she decides she wants to leave. As Cassie is trying to get her car to start, the engine starts smoking and then bursts into flames. She also can’t get the door unlocked. Adam comes out to try to save her as Faye and Phoebe watch. Clearly, it’s implied that Faye is the one trapping her in the car. Cassie eventually gets the door unlocked and the fire goes out. Later, Diana confronts Faye and says they need to be careful about their power.

Yep, all the teenagers we’ve been introduced to are practicing witchcraft and they’ve been waiting for Cassie to complete their “circle.” Now that Cassie is there, they are more powerful than ever. They tell Cassie about her abilities and naturally, she doesn’t believe them. Later, Adam finds her in the woods and they make drops of water levitate. They also almost kiss. It’s supposed to be super romantic, but is mainly really cheesy. Now that their circle is complete, however, the six teens are much more powerful. Faye, especially, is thrilled by this. She goes for a walk one night, making light bulbs go out and starting massive thunderstorms. Quickly, the storm gets out of control and is only stopped when Cassie helps her.

Cassie’s grandmother believes the children might be practicing again and goes to Faye’s mom, the principal. Faye’s mom assures her that she doesn’t think the kids are practicing and she would know since she’s around them all day. Cassie’s grandmother doesn’t seem to be entirely reassured, but lets it go. Apparently, something terrible happened 16 years ago when all the current teens’ parents were practicing witchcraft. Each of the current generation of teens lost a parent in the accident. Cassie’s dad, Adam’s mom, Faye’s dad, Diana’s mom, and no one really cares about the other two yet. By the end of the show, though, it becomes clear that Faye’s mom does in fact know about the practicing and is in cahoots with Diana’s evil father to encourage it. Diana’s evil father confronts Adam’s awesome drunk dad and basically uses his power to pretend drown him as a warning that he needs to stop talking to Cassie. It’s very evil and cheesy.

The show is created by Kevin Williamson (of Dawson’s Creek and The Vampire Diaries fame) and is very reminiscent of his other shows. It is a very cheesy teen drama like Dawson’s Creek with the supernatural elements of The Vampire Diaries. It isn’t the worst show I’ve ever seen. Britt Robertson is spunky and adorable as Cassie. Some of the other teens aren’t completely boring. Ashley Crow is her usual kickass self. The biggest problem is that it takes itself too seriously. The music, in particular, makes many of the plot points very heavy-handed. Every time we see Diana’s dad, the music gets super ominous. It’s just a little bit over the top. Many pilots tend to be this way, though, because they have to set up so many things. I’m willing to give it the benefit of the doubt because I do see some potential here. If it weren’t in such a crowded timeslot (against Person of Interest, The Office, Grey’s Anatomy, and Bones), it would most likely be on my fall schedule.

Emmys Liveblog

7:00: Leonard Nimoy is the president of television. Apparently, all TV people live together. Jane Lynch wants to sing about the magic of television. Jeremy Piven and some people from Entourage come and sing with her. Kevin Nealon and Eric Dane make appearance. Big Bang Theory sketch with Sheldon being Sheldon. Jane Lynch loves the laugh track. Marcel and the Mythbusters. Dancing with the Stars sketch. Parks and Recreation sketch with Nick Offerman. Mad Men part of the sketch. Friday Night Lights part with Vince, Matt, and LANDRY!!!!! Jane Lynch defeats Sue Sylvester with her optimism. Okay, that was freaking awesome. I love that they’re letting Jane Lynch be herself of keeping her in character. Her optimism is infectious.

7:10 Chuck, Robin from How I Met Your Mother, Taraji P. Henson, Meredith from The Office, Wilmer Valderrama, and Joel McHale form The Emmytones. This could be really entertaining or get old really fast.

7:11 Comedy opening segment. They include Community, Happy Endings, and Cougar Town, clearly to rub it in that these awesome shows aren’t nominated.

7:12 Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon come out and banter about whether or not Fallon wrote an acceptance speech. This ends with them wrestling and Kimmel finding Fallon’s acceptance speech. Apparently, someone also lost a cufflink, according to Cassie. They then present Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series to Julie Bowen for Modern Family! Hells yes! Bowen apparently has a degree in Italian Renaissance studies. Bowen looks absolutely amazing and she’s so adorably flustered right now. She thanks both of her husbands (Ty Burrell and her actual husband). It’s her real-life wedding anniversary. That was adorable.

7:17 Julianna Margulies comes out to present Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy. Some of her jokes fall a bit flat. Ty Burrell wins and I flip out. He’s much less flustered than his on-screen wife. Equally endearing, however. I love when these speeches are sincere, but still hilarious. He role-plays a very adorable conversation with his dead father.

7:26 Jane Lynch talks about how it hurts to lose and if she weren’t hosting, she’d be home by now eating a tub of turkey meatballs. Ricky Gervais does a satellite sketch about how he’s not allowed to come to the USA and host award shows.

7:28 Jane Lynch snarks about Ricky Gervais and then presents Outstanding Directing to one of the guys for Modern Family’s Halloween episode.

7:30 Will Arnett and Zooey Deschanel come out to present Outstanding Writing. Zooey Deschanel is absolutely adorable and I want her dress. Will Arnett does a really lame joke. Modern Family wins again for the episode where the kids catch Phil and Claire having sex. Very funny episode. Well deserved.

7:34 There is apparently a writer for Modern Family named Abraham Higginbotham. He was clearly born to be a comedy writer.

7:40 Jane Lynch snarks about how she used to be Charlie Sheen’s therapist and did a terrible job. Charlie Sheen then comes out to present Lead Actor in a Comedy Series. Everybody waits for something bad to happen. He’s actually really nice and wishes the cast of Two and a Half Men good luck. That, kids, was a lesson in damage control. Then, in a stunning upset, Jim Parsons beats Steve Carell. He’s so adorable.

7:44 Sofia Vergara and Rob Lowe come out to present Best Lead Actress in a Comedy. All of the nominees come up on stage and join hands as their names are called. They’re totally acting like it’s the Miss USA pageant and it’s hilarious. Tina Fey pretends to kiss Kenneth. The crowd gives them a standing ovation. Melissa McCarthy wins and she looks absolutely stunned. They give her a crown and a bouquet of roses and everything. I love when they’re genuinely shocked. This is so endearing.

7:55 Pre-filmed skit where different TV characters join The Office. It’s funny at times. The Emmytones introduce Reality/Variety. This is where I stop caring for a little while.

8:00 Jane Lynch’s dress has pockets. Every dress must have pockets, in my opinion. Jane Lynch makes a joke about her “gay agenda.” It falls a little bit flat, but I appreciate the intent behind it.

8:01 Kaley Cuoco and David Spade present the award for Best Reality Competition to The Amazing Race. Again. Boring.

8:04 They also present Best Writing for a Variety Show to The Daily Show. So extremely well-deserved. And there are so many freaking writers. They’re all adorable, though.

8:12 Jane Lynch has a really awkward bit about what they do when the Emmys go to commercial. Then The Lonely Island and Michael Bolton come out to perform. Ed Helms, Maya Rudolph, and John Stamos perform “Motherfreaker.” The Lonely Island gives William H. Macy a lapdance. Akon sings “I Just Had Sex” in front of a giant American flag. That was awesome.

8:16 Lea Michele and Ian Somerhalder come out and state that nothing they say now will be funny. Truest statement of the night. They present Outstanding Directing for a Variety Show to Saturday Night Live for the Justin Timberlake episode. I’d rather it have gone to The Daily Show, but oh well.

8:18 Scott Caan and Anna Paquin come out to present Outstanding Variety Show. They joke about how The Daily Show wins every year. Either Scott Caan is really short or Anna Paquin is taller than I thought. The award goes to The Daily Show, surprising absolutely no one. Nine straight years. Jimmy Fallon pretends to look pissed. Jon Stewart holds up the Emmy like it’s Simba. Jon Stewart thanks The Lonely Island because he now has a lot of explaining to do to his children. It’s awkward, but adorable. Just like Jon Stewart.

8:26 The Emmytones introduce the drama categories. Friday Night Lights starts off the montage, which is set to “Set Fire to the Rain.” Prepare for virtual tears if FNL does win. I’m serious.

8:28 Jon Cryer and Ashton Kutcher come out together to present Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series. Ashton Kutcher is seriously rocking the homeless chic look and jokes about how he’s not Charlie Sheen. Jason Katims wins for Friday Night Lights and I’m already tearing up.

8:31 Cryer and Kutcher stick around to present Outstanding Supporting Actress for a Drama Series to Margo Martindale for Justified. I really know very little about Justified, so I can’t really determine if it’s well-deserved or not. She trips up the stairs on her way to the stage and I think Ed O’Neill rushes up to help her. She’s so excited about this and I’m so excited for her.

8:40 Loretta Devine and Paul McCrane (winners for Best Guest Actors in a Drama Series) come out to present Outstanding Directing for a Drama Series. There is no way anyone can beat Scorsese in this category. It’s a joke that anyone is even nominated against him. He’s freaking Martin Scorsese for crying out loud. Though the pilot of Boardwalk Empire really was exquisite.

8:43 Kerry Washington and Jason O’Mara come out to present Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series. Kerry Washington looks fantastic. Jason O’Mara has a sexy accent. They joke about side effects of winning and it sounds exactly like a commercial for ED medication. Kinda lame. Peter Dinklage wins for Game of Thrones. This shocks no one. I’m glad they lowered the mic before he got to the stage because it would have been super awkward otherwise.

8:51 Really lame pre-taped Anderson Cooper 360 sketch where Jane Lynch plays a mob boss who is responsible for making sure the setting of every TV show is Jersey.

8:53 Bryan Cranston and Katie Holmes come out to present Outstanding Lead Actress. Julianna Margulies wins. Total bullshit. Also, I hate her dress even more every time I see it. Gah.

8:56 Drew Barrymore comes out with the new Charlie’s Angels. Lame banter about legacies and passing the torch. Kyle Chandler wins and I cry. Minka Kelly gives him the award and a huge hug. He remembers to thank Connie after the cameras cut away.

9:07 Best line of the night from Jane Lynch. “A lot of people are curious why I’m a Lesbian. Ladies and gentlemen, the cast of Entourage.” They present Outstanding Writing in a Miniseries/Movie to Downton Abbey. Haven’t seen any of these. Don’t care.

9:11 Entourage sticks around to present Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries to Maggie Smith. Yay Professor McGonagall!

9:17 Jane Lynch and Paula Abdul come out and pretend to be the Ernst & Young accountants. They introduce Amy Poehler and Melissa McCarthy who present Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries. They talk about how the men have to be willing to show some skin because that’s what keeps us coming back for more. Barry Pepper wins for The Kennedys. He didn’t show up.

9:20 Poehler and McCarthy stick around to present Outstanding Directing for Miniseries/Movie. The winner is Downton Abbey. Kind of really surprised that Mildred Pierece has been shut out so far.

9:22 Time for the sad In Memoriam segment. Random guys sing “Hallelujah.” A lot of really awesome people died this year. Peter Falk. Elizabeth Taylor. Julie Andrews’ husband. June Cleaver. And now we cry. I’m really glad that we can’t really hear any applause until the end. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people try to rate the “applause meter” on celebrities who have died.

9:32 Apparently, it was the Canadian Tenors who were singing. Way to introduce them before. Anna Torv (YAY) and David Boreanaz (blech) present Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Miniseries to Guy Pearce for Mildred Pierce. Lame joke about how Guy Pearce isn’t related to Mildred Pierce. These voiceovers seem to be getting worse as the night goes on.

9:36 Hugh Laurie and Claire Danes present Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries. They joke about how Helen Mirren always wins this and that she’s the favorite to win, even though she’s not nominated. The winner is KATE FREAKING WINSLET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She’s so adorable. All the time. And she’s so excited about this. I love her so much.

9:44 Don Cheadle comes out to present Outstanding Miniseries/Movie to Downton Abbey. Pretty surprised. Thought it would be Mildred Pierce.

9:46 Maria Bello and William H. Macy come out to present Outstanding Drama Series. Macy’s weird scarf thing looks terrible. So, Mad Men wins again for a sub-par season and now, Friday Night Lights will never win. Fuck you, Emmys.

9:54 Jane Lynch comes out for the last time to introduce Gwyneth Paltrow, who presents Outstanding Comedy Series. Her dress is truly terrible. She’s apparently going to wing it because the prompter is down. Thankfully, she didn’t try to be funny. Modern Family wins. If Parks and Rec couldn’t win, then I’m glad MF did. I’m just glad it wasn’t The Office or 30 Rock because their seasons were sub-par at best. The creator makes the point to identify the kids on the show, who really are fantastic. He talks about how shows like Modern Family are working to make people more tolerant of homosexuality. This is a really good acceptance speech. I like it.

9:58 Jane Lynch comes back to close out the show. Overall, there were a lot of really surprising wins which were very well-deserved. I’m just incredibly devastated at the loss for Friday Night Lights. It deserved that win so incredibly much.

Emmy Predictions

Before the show starts, I might as well add my two cents to all the Emmy predictions out there. I’m just going to go through and do the biggest categories. I haven’t seen any of the miniseries or movies nominated, though I think Mildred Pierce will probably sweep those categories.

Comedy:

Outstanding Comedy: 

Nominees: Glee, Parks and Recreation, The Office, Modern Family, 30 Rock, The Big Bang Theory

Will Win: Modern Family. This is such a critical darling and for good reason. It’s a fantastic show and a win would be well deserved. However…

Should Win: Parks and Recreation. This is really the only category where I’ve legitimately seen every episode of each of the shows. I love all of these shows. People who know me well know all about my intense Glee and Big Bang Theory obsessions. However, those shows both had uneven seasons. The Office is past its prime and 30 Rock suffered quite a bit this year. Modern Family also had its poor episodes. Parks and Rec was hands down the most consistently funny show of this category (I honestly would rather see Community win, but it didn’t get nominated). There are moments from this past season that had me rolling on the floor laughing and it was just the strongest of these six.

Lead Actor, Comedy:

Nominees: Matt LeBlanc (Episodes), Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory), Johnny Galecki (The Big Bang Theory), Steve Carell (The Office), Louis C.K. (Louie), Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)

Will Win: Steve Carell. It’s his last season portraying Michael Scott, which has become an incredibly beloved character. He’s also never won an Emmy in this category. It’s inevitable.

Should Win: Jim Parsons. He won last year and was just as fantastic this year. Even though Sheldon was front and center in too many episodes this season, Parsons was never unwelcome. I would also love to see Johnny Galecki win because he is really hilarious and is often overshadowed by Parsons.

Lead Actress, Comedy:

Nominees: Laura Linney (The Big C), Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie), Amy Poehler (Parks and Recreation), Melissa McCarthy (Mike & Molly), Martha Plimpton (Raising Hope), Tina Fey (30 Rock)

Will Win: Laura Linney. She made cancer funny. That’s nearly impossible to do, but she pulled it off and she did it well.

Should Win: Amy Poehler. Leslie Knope is one of the funniest characters on TV right now. The character started as a rip-off of Michael Scott, but Poehler has managed to put a completely different spin on the character. She seems naive at times, but she’s really just idealistic. More than anything, she’s a strong woman who has high aspirations. I want to be besties with Leslie Knope and Poehler deserves all the credit for that. She’s fantastic.

Supporting Actor, Comedy:

Nominees: Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men), Chris Colfer (Glee), Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Modern Family), Ed O’Neill (Modern Family), Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family), Ty Burrell (Modern Family)

Will Win: Chris Colfer. I have a feeling that the Modern Family guys are going to cancel each other out and I just don’t foresee Jon Cryer winning it. He could very well win just for not being Charlie Sheen. However, Colfer has really been in the spotlight a lot this season for the bullying storyline and his wonderful relationship with Blaine (Darren Criss). I think he has the most momentum and might pull it off tonight.

Should Win: Ty Burrell. As much as I absolutely adore Chris Colfer, the majority of the scenes where he really shined this year were dramatic. He wasn’t given the opportunity to show off his comedic skills most of the time. I don’t watch enough of Two and a Half Men to know about Jon Cryer. However, Ty Burrell is a total scenestealer on Modern Family. Phil is possibly my favorite character and Burrell really hasn’t been recognized for that. I would love for this year to be his.

Supporting Actress, Comedy:

Nominees: Jane Lynch (Glee), Betty White (Hot in Cleveland), Julie Bowen (Modern Family), Kristen Wiig (SNL), Jane Krakowski (30 Rock), Sofia Vergara (Modern Family)

Will Win: Jane Lynch. She’s the freaking host. It’s just kind of awkward if she doesn’t win.

Should Win: Julie Bowen. She has to play the “straight man” a lot of the time, which can be a very unforgiving role. However, when Bowen is given the chance to be the goofy, outgoing one, she is absolutely hilarious. She has amazing comedic timing and does fantastic with the role of Claire.

Drama:

Outstanding Drama Series:

Nominees: Boardwalk Empire, The Good Wife, Mad Men, Friday Night Lights, Dexter, Game of Thrones

Will Win: Mad Men. When the Emmys loves something, they consistently reward it. Mad Men has won the past three years and will likely win for the fourth time.

Should Win: Friday Night Lights. This is one of the best shows in recent television history. It has never been nominated for Best Series and this was its final season. The only Emmy it has ever won is for Outstanding Casting and it deserves so much more than that. FNL has had five mostly consistent seasons. The only exception was the ludicrous murder plot from the second season, but other than that, it has been absolutely exquisite. Anything less than a win is an absolute travesty.

Lead Actor, Drama:

Nominees: Steve Buscemi (Boardwalk Empire), Michael C. Hall (Dexter), Kyle Chandler (Friday Night Lights), Jon Hamm (Mad Men), Hugh Laurie (House), Timothy Olyphant (Justified)

Will Win: Steve Buscemi. Period shows are like crack to the Emmys and pretty much any awards show.Buscemi has received a lot of critical praise and after his Golden Globes win, he has a good shot at winning here as well.

Should Win: Kyle Chandler. Look at everything I just said about Friday Night Lights. Kyle Chandler’s Coach Taylor is the moral center of this show. He has never been recognized by the Emmys and that needs to change tonight.

Lead Actress, Drama:

Nominees: Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men), Connie Britton (Friday Night Lights), Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: SVU), Mireille Enos (The Killing), Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife), Kathy Bates (Harry’s Law)

Will Win: Kathy Bates. She’s going to win because she’s Kathy Bates. The Emmys tends to be ridiculously unimaginative with their picks in this category (look at last year’s win for Kyra Sedgwick). Bates is one of the most unimaginative picks for this category, so she’s a safe bet.

Should Win: Connie Britton. Once again, Friday Night Lights. It’s amazing. Britton is phenomenal as Coach’s wife Tami and she needs to be recognized. Now.

Supporting Actor, Drama:

Nominees: John Slattery (Mad Men), Andre Braugher (Men of a Certain Age), Walton Goggins (Justified), Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones), Josh Charles (The Good Wife), Alan Cumming (The Good Wife)

Will Win: Peter Dinklage. All the buzz is behind him and he is reportedly amazing in Game of Thrones.

Should Win: John Slattery. To be fair, he’s the only one whose performance I’ve actually seen, but he is fantastic. I really love Roger on Mad Men and Slattery does a great job with him.

Supporting Actress, Drama:

Nominees: Kelly Macdonald (Boardwalk Empire), Christina Hendricks (Mad Men), Michelle Forbes (The Killing), Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife), Margo Martindale (Justified), Christine Baranski (The Good Wife)

Will Win: Archie Panjabi. She won last year and I think she’ll probably win again this year.

Should Win: Christina Hendricks. Joan is fantastic and Hendricks does amazing with the character. She’s absolutely gorgeous and sexy, which she ties into her character. Her sense of humor is fantastic. She’s basically just a badass and deserves to win.